»
Sanctuary
»
Poetic Haven
»
No Words
| Poetic Haven |
|
No Words |
|
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Of fine words ... I have none ... there'll be no verse born of setting sun. No rhymes to align clouds in linen sky ... No poetic sighs ... no words have I. Still, what's left to say that I haven't said before? Steal the stars from night ... wake to a dawnless morn ... take the tides from the shore ... Living without you ... leaves me lacking even more. The ink bleeds through cuz you're paper thin you're one more fool with a paper and pen lookin for a poem in the water stains on the floor. R.B. |
||
| © Copyright 2004 Janet Marie - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I have no words to add to this either. But somehow, I knew you knew that...  |
||
|
Edder Senior Member
since 2003-04-02
Posts 671 |
"Of fine words ... I have none ..." i beg to differ... but i do understand the sentiment.  |
||
muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
i just about started crying reading this... |
||
|
Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Your words have the feel always... Regards sudhir |
||
|
Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
 Janet Marie...this aches but so beautifully. Maree What are you my god? You touch me like you are my god |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Trying to hide, girly-girl? Shining on you, I am...  |
||
Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I'm ever a fan of subtlety, but nonetheless, I still feel this could have been a bit longer... if only to add to the effect created by the contrasting ending lines. I think it's awesome that you're writing in meter & rhyme for a change (if it is a change, I haven't read you in a while). Have you been doing this lately? Should I check out some more of it? It seems almost like you've been infuenced by Karen's meter style, how it just sort of naturally goes through your words instead of leading the format along. It had a really nice effect on the poem's sound quality. Ditto the subtle rhymes... I think you should do this more, it really works for you. Thanks for spicing up the Sanctuary. I know you so much prefer the 50+ replies you get in the Open forum but it's nice to see you in here. Much love, JM Brian "God becomes as we are that we may be as he is." ~William Blake |
||
|
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
respectfully..of course..I disagree with Brian... length does not reduce the effectiveness of image nor impact of lines. Brevity in it's best forms need only a few words to paint as with few strokes of paint on canvas enough to alow the reader or viewer to see the intent and understand the depths. over explaining and or over describing things can easily lose the reader in detail, that while perhaps of personal significance or held in the writers eye as beauty does not in fact ADD to the base line of what the poem says. It may change the way it is said...but unfortunately in a world of 15 second sound bytes and of short attention spans..also gets lost. I think the length and the concise delivery to be effective as well as pleasing. than again...lmao..I am not known for epic pieces and or great intellegence. |
||
|
Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
I'll say it...again. I love the way you write when ya just do and don't think/tweek/kittyliterate/flower it to death.  Rockin' distill JM... |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Janet Marie You wrote this in such a way that I could actually hear you sigh and see your pen hesitate in the puddle of tears you made on the paper. That is good writing!! |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Sen .... yes....I know...and? sometimes its just long overdue that the moth shuts up. ;-) Edder... thank you poet sir... I appreciate the sentiment and the kind words. Dawn ... dont cry girlie...I do that enough for the both us. Thank you for coming by. Sud ... thank you for feeling my words...always makes me happy to find you here. Maree ... thank you girlie--I've got the ache down to a science. But for all I feel in the lacking...the love still outweighs the wait. Cant believe you need me, never thought I would be needed for anything. |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Kari... MOI??? HIDE??? now this moth knows full well one cant hide from the sun. Brian ... me thinks you spent more time on the poem than i did Thank you for the time...I always appreciate your effort and view... The rhyme? I used to only write in rhyme, then found free verse gave me more room for expression...somewhere along the line rhyme has found its way back in a less structured influence. I'm not sure I have a set style...and I like to try new things so that I dont only write one way all the time..us geminis get bored easy. lol As for being longer.... well, like you...I tend to prefer more depth of expression.. but heres the deal with this one.... its actually from a Capt Ron workshop... A few months ago he was kind enough to work with me as I wanted to try writing with the "less is more" succinct style that some do so well in here...as Duncan calls it..."Distilled" poetry. He gave me some 30 words or less assigments and let me build from there... this one came from those...I added the first verse and more rhyme to the original version. So the whole point of the poem is my attempt to show that my missing this person has left me lacking my words.....So wouldnt making it longer defeat the whole purpose? Me thinks I just need to write succinct stronger...more impact...thats what lacks here... not the words, but my skill at writing well in this genre. As for posting in Sanctuary....actually in the last couple years, I think I've posted more here than Open...but then..this and 2 other semi-recent posts are the only ones I've had up in quite awhile....my muse was gone for about 8 months...so you havent missed much. I prefer to post my more "personal work" over here...kinda like a moth diary. thanks again for your perspective and generosity to my work. Cant believe you need me, never thought I would be needed for anything. |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Ron...are you chuckling?? lol...as you can see...I cant even be brief in my replies...  Thank you for your efforts in teaching a long winded moth a new trick or two. Duncan ... You just like em short cuz ya got the attention span of a gnat. LOL You just want less tigerboy poetry-- admit it LOL but seriously-- I'll never do distilled with the grace you do...a moth can only go with out allits and tweeking for so long thanks so much for your encouragement. Martie...thank you sweets for feeling my words...you know my mothy ways so well. thanks guys...very much. Cant believe you need me, never thought I would be needed for anything. |
||
|
Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Hi Janet... Had to stop in and tell you that I had read you..and loved it.. LOL...of course I love everything you write. Just wish you would post more often. Hugs girlie. |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
HI Nancy girl...thanks so much for coming by....yeah...I wish the moody muse would come round more too....but then maybe less is more is best for this moth...right Ron? LOL thanks again to all who shared some of you with me.  Cant believe you need me, never thought I would be needed for anything. |
||
|
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
"Of fine words ... I have none ..." Oh JM ... I beg to differ! You have fine words a'plenty gater-gal. I loved the flow in this. Beautifully written ... I really enjoyed the subtleties of the rhyme scheme ... it tickled the senses and the tongue. This piece may be of few words, but they held a giant impact and captured the delicate feeling of loss in a sensitive and poignant manner. Loved it Janet Marie! Best wishes and hugs to both you and your muse, /Kit |
||
|
Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
JM, Just when I think I have managed to understand my own sorrow you add depth and insight that reminds me the journey never ends. How blessed I am to share the trail with you. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
||
|
Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
You say much with few words in this piece but to call them anything less than fine would be an injustice. I am glad to see you experimenting with new styles Janet. I'm glad to see your muse has returned intact also. My muse never seemed to sing to me in the same style for any in depth period of time. I always found it a joy to change things up. Speaking of muses, you haven't seen mine have you? Michael |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Kit-gator-girlie... thank you so much for the kind words, but much more than that...thank you for always faithfully coming in and finding my work and encouraging me. I appreciate it more than these words convey. Larry.... you make my heart smile... I wish I was half as wise and strong as you are, you set the standard of example in handling heart loss with grace. Thank you for all youve taught me. Michael... do you know how awesome it is to find you here. thank you so much for the encouragement... I know as poets, in order to grow we have to try new things... step outside our comfort zone and play with the words...One of the gifts of pips is that we find inspiration to do so when we read other poets who write in certain style so well that it becomes their signature. As for muses, mine comes and goes...I've finally gotten to a place where I can live with the long silence between words... As for YOUR muse... If its missing.. I will pay the ransome.. THAT muse is worth poetic gold. Thank you M, very much. I love you more the further I go ... before this existence ... you were always here inside of me. Nelly Furtado |
||
|
Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Of fine words, you have MANY....these, for example. I wish you shared them more often, but I'm glad to have found these. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Ed ... and I'm glad you found them too. Thank you kind poet sir...so nice to see your name here. Hope to see more from you as well. thanks again to all who shared your thoughts and spirit with me here. I love you more the further I go ... before this existence ... you were always here inside of me. Nelly Furtado |
||
|
RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
PIPs isn't the same without your influence and attentions. I'll make you a deal....you write more often (wrasslin' with the muse) and I will. This "excersize" in brevity was effective. Sparse melancholy write. |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Richard...you make me an offer I cant refuse considering the impressive level of poetry you write. Its so nice to see your name back in the blue...I hope you will post some of your work soon. Thank you poet sir for the kind words. I love you more the further I go ... |
||
|
Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
the best dreams are the ones with no paintings on the walls behind the love scenes well done ms |
||
Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
Of fine words you are...and we? so lucky! I play peek-a-boo every now and then in here....so glad I did!   ~~**~~ |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Hey...its 2 of my groovies...DS-boyeeeee and L-girliegirl. thank you guys... I appreciate your encouragement. So does me moooooody muse. thanks to all who stopped by. I love you more the further I go ... |
||
|
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Of scolding words, I have many.... Tell me again just WHY I had to stumble upon this??? LOL Don't you know my secret decoder ring is as old and decrepit as I am??? *G* It's not enough to have to wait on your muse... now we have to play hide and seek TOO??? LOL You definitely deserve more grumbling... but your poem distracts me from that serious business and leads me straight into appreciation... and darn you... I was just getting started! *S* I don't have to tell you how well I know the feelings you convey here so beautifully... but I will tell you I like seeing rhyme from your pen again. *S* And this doesn't lose any of its power with its brevity... Excellent work!! |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
ummmm...ummmm... can I take the moth fifth??? my dog ate the email???? I couldnt see cuz the pretty blue flame was in my eye???? I'll gladly pay you on Tuesday for a poem today????? OH COME ON... no mere moth can get in under Ruth-radar!!!! Ok ok.... my bad.... I can only say sorry and put my muse in the corner for a month or so...hows that???  A FINE Scolding accounted for...(lmao) also noted was the fine reply...thank you for the encouragement, as always you are gracious and kind to my mothy muse. Thanks for tracking me down Ruthiegirl.. its not a party without you...youre the one that bakes the best cookies...and then there is those pickles. I love you more the further I go ... |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Who said pickles? |
||
|
Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Ah finally found it! I guess I am like Bri, could have been longer JM, like two pages longer LOL. I can't seem to get enough of you and have read the archives to death! An exercise in being brief - you? Well you succeeded that is for sure, and it said TONS in a little bit, so you passed Ron's class for sure. I so identified with the last lines, that is why I am alone and loving it. Richard got the verb right with his play on words -excersize-is good for you This place is kewl mothymama. |
||
|
gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
JM!  Are you reading my mind???nothing left to say but the truth... ~ Living without you ... leaves me lacking even more. ~ Unfortunately, this brings tears to my eyes. LIBRARY! |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Sharon....please forgive me...I could have sworn I replied back to you....guess thats when my comp was freezing up.... thank you for your generous response and your encouragement. ... better be careful what you wish for...too much of me will give ya a headache. Gem... great minds think and cry alike? thank you so much girlie...its so good to have you back. |
||
|
Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again |
I've found that redundancy can really become an issue. But if you ask me, that was one hell of a poetic sigh. You capture this feeling of frustration and desperation of needing those perfect words. And while these may not be the words to pin down the feelings you have, they certainly capture the poetic journey perfectly. |
||
|
Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Dearest JM, ============================================= Of fine words ... I have none ... there'll be no verse born of setting sun. No rhymes to align clouds in linen sky ... No poetic sighs ... no words have I. Still, what's left to say that I haven't said before? Steal the stars from night ... wake to a dawnless morn ... take the tides from the shore ... Living without you ... leaves me lacking even more. ============================================= And yet we both know that "Living with you" is what led us to the knowledge that left us "lacking even more." None of which we would ever trade. And so it is the knowing that you are there that encourages me to press on. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Thanks Larry, for bringing this back up so that I could read it again. I miss you Janet Marie!! |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I, too, feel like Jan has never received proper worship.  |
||
|
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Wow, I missed this one in 04, where the heck was I? Thanks for bringing it back for these eyes. I sure do miss you, JM. |
||
|
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Goes to show...good things last a long time... here I am visiting this all these years later and marveling at what you did with so few words... and wishing of course, we saw more of your words today. if you ever drop in and see this, just know I hope things in your world are good... time knows no master, but we mere humans do. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
