MySelf, or a Description of the Planet Jupiter

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Poetic Haven

MySelf, or a Description of the Planet Jupiter

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

0 posted 2003-03-07 12:27 PM

That merciless torrent of red and brown
that clothes your soul and veils your mind
roars with rage and fights to drown
calming thoughts in a heart confined.

Below the war there rests a sea
that seethes with hate and boiling fire
churning away in secrecy
anger and hate, never to tire.

Still further down, a deadened rock
that once held hope for life anew,
succumbing slowly to certain debacle,
waits for death to claim its due.

"If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"
-- Magus
"there is no good and evil, there are just sides."
-- Local Parasite

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

1 posted 2003-03-07 12:33 PM

Very well written, I really enjoyed the read

Andrew

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2003-03-07 01:34 PM

This is kind of weird. I've been trying with cosmic imagery lately in my poetry but haven't posted any of it because I'm constantly displeased with how it works out for me. Using the planet Jupiter to parallel yourself is a brilliant concept. Particularly loved how you focused on the layers of Jupiter, how they were also layers of yourself... you wrote this quite well and I'm glad to have read it.

Waiting eagerly on your next.

Parasite

"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true.
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

3 posted 2003-03-07 02:17 PM

I can feel the atmosphere crushing me to pulp in this poem, the remains torn apart by the raging hurricane.

Evocative writing, and, ouch.

I know it's over.
The Smiths

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

4 posted 2003-03-07 06:14 PM

Thanks for the supportive comments, Allan. I've been intending to write a piece like this for some time. I've been experimenting with "encoding" parts of my life in elements in poems. Good to see it's working out okay.

Marshal and BSquirrel:

Thanks for the replies. Again, glad this poem worked out well.

"If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"
-- Magus
"there is no good and evil, there are just sides."
-- Local Parasite

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.