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Bus Stop Confessions.
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Bus Stop Confessions. |
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Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking 
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Bus Stop Confessions I stood silently. watching, waiting. I looked, her eyes, fascinating, familiar, I parted lips but her name was lost she blushed, I turned my face. She walked away... ...the girl I never knew. I just changed the title from lost, which I thought was a little bit vague. [This message has been edited by Marshalzu (02-24-2003 10:01 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Andrew Sewell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Nicely done Zu... I like the slight iambic flow in the syllable organization. So kind of you to throw that in and allow the reader a taste of metered verse, even without visually formatting the poem as such. I hate when this happens, when I see someone I recognize but can't recall their name. Although I think there's more to this poem than that, that you saw this girl and thought more of her than just a face you might have remembered, but rather, as a face that was compelling to you. Either that, or it's a person from your past that you regret not getting to know better... which would explain your slightly solemn tone in the end. Not sure how to take it, but I like the title, and I like the structure. Nicely written, Andrew. Parasite "Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true. |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Not much else to say, because what Allan over here said are my words, just, they are his, too. Well done, Zuman. I like the simplisticness of it... more my style. ~Titus  "On the plains of Hesitation lie the blackend bones of countless millions, who, at the verge of victory, sat down to wait, and waiting - died." |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I love how you built this one. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
I like the ending. It's kinda humourous. Is this something that actually happened to you? It's always fun to let out things like that in poetry.  "If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
This is partly inspired by something that happened but not the exact circumstances but it's more driven by a dream I had and a song I was listening to at the time. I have to say I quite like it, I think it's the first thing I've written for myself and I enjoyed doing that. |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
I liked this, very true, and don't you hate it when you can't remeber someones name. I do that all the time. Riley Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you...... |
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