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fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958


0 posted 2001-02-23 04:52 PM


Since I figured that I should get an all ages view of my poetry, I've decided to start posting here as well, where I can post poetry of all topics, and it's not as busy as the Open Poetry forums. I will still keep posting in the teenage forums as well though, until I turn 20.

This is my first attempt at Tanka, after Allan Riverwood's suggestion for me to try it out. It's an earlier poem, from the recent time in which I was concerned with the nature of being and life.




Silent reflection
Dreaming of things that can’t be
Foolish conception
Wanting all my dreams to be
Stuck on earth, a boring sea.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh."

-- Magus

© Copyright 2001 fractal007 - All Rights Reserved
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245
Illinois
1 posted 2001-02-27 09:21 AM


I don't anything about Tanka's...but I like this one!

There's wisdom in those words.

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
2 posted 2001-02-27 06:04 PM


Nice job here Frac........I'm all around the boards so you'll get my replies wherever you are! MWhahahaha!
I thought these words were quite deep. Nicely done here. I too know nothing about tanka, but I know that this was well written.
Oh....and you should post in teen when yer 20 anyway!



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
3 posted 2001-02-27 08:26 PM


I too like it....not sure if it's really a Tanka..but then again, I'm not an expert. I only know what I like.

It's nice to see you here in Senior Member land!!!

CocoBaci
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043

4 posted 2001-02-27 10:20 PM


Fractal, I too enjoyed reading your poem it has much meaning weaved into the write...

~coco~

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

5 posted 2001-02-28 02:09 PM


Thankyou all for the replies.

Tanka is a form[this definition is according to what Allan Riverwood told me] which extends the senryu format. It uses a 5-7-5-7-7 syllable format. They can be about anything one wishes them to be about.

I am glad that you all liked this one.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
6 posted 2001-04-21 03:10 PM


I believe PdV was making reference to the scheme of rhyme (which I thought was genius).  
I really did enjoy this one, I'm glad you decided to try this out.  You certainly blew me away with this poem, Tanka or not.  
I think we, the people, should campaign to create formats in which the senryu/haiku/tanka format is kept syllablically, but you can still rhyme if you so desire.  Although I'm sure the guy who refined the format didn't say ~NO RHYMING~ after he was done.  
Sorry 'bout that short rant, nice Tanka.  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

7 posted 2001-04-27 12:59 PM


great job on the short poem..
i enjoyed the read..
keep writing

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

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