»
Sanctuary
»
Poetic Haven
»
things
| Poetic Haven |
|
things |
|
|
brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa 
|
I ground the maze for lost and lonely bread and I wrapped my shades around the things she said I drank my whine with elegant dismay and she hurled my time at things I wouldn't say I break the sod for a home within the sky we create the god for things that we would cry I scan the road with a glint of fast dream and I pay what's owed with the red things I scream |
||
| © Copyright 2002 brian sites - All Rights Reserved | |||
Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I'm going to make a weird comment, okay? Sometimes I see a person's poetry in their choice of icon. Yours for example... an overlook of the city at night. When everything is asleep, everything is still. You stand back and take a picture of it all. This poem stands above the city, looks down at it, and paints what it sees. It sees people. But what it paints is the human soul... Terrific work. I love it. Parasite Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. |
||
bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I just need to say that "I ground the maze" is the best opening line/sorta pun ever! Thank you. :bows: Mike |
||
|
brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
damn LP.... thank you but to tell you the truth? I didn't like this one very much got tired of working on it and just posted it but you honor me..thanks again Mike? no, hardly the best that distinction, I think would be found in one of yours but thank you friend |
||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
an interesting write Brian... I too like the opening and find myself torn between giants grinding my bones to bake their bread and images of hand grinding maze... both of which feed into the rest of the poem depending on how it is taken by the reader... I understand your not being satidfied with it... for as good as it is it lacks something..but darned if I know what. it is good..and I did enjoy... |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I tend to be partial to the second stanza...  and I agree that there is a certain element amiss here. Perhaps another verse bridging the two ideas, so that it's not quite such a leap? I would like to see how one gets from there to here... |
||
|
quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
brian, do you see anything in my icon? hahaha. 'I drank my whine' was this deliberate? if so, i like it!  very tart. enjoyed it muchly. /jen/ i'm so bitterly disappointed. betty, i think it's time you leave now. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
