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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

0 posted 2002-05-18 12:05 PM



She sat alone,
rocker in neutral
her heart
pounding in the night

legs stiff
from sitting there
crying softly
in her fright

no one to come
children gone
no one to call
to undo shoe lacings

she stares into
the darkened room
seeing only
crayon wall tracings

© Copyright 2002 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

1 posted 2002-05-18 12:06 PM


I like the play of crayon wall, because it makes me think of canyon wall. I really enjoyed this one...

She said burn ... together.
-TON

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
2 posted 2002-05-18 12:09 PM


now i'm gonna cry...
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
3 posted 2002-05-18 12:12 PM


Here..have a Kleenex.
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
4 posted 2002-05-18 05:23 AM


I can picture this one..I like *s
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
5 posted 2002-11-29 11:38 AM


I spy another one.  Guess it wasn't just Mike and Chris.  

When I was really little I would secretly go into my closet (it was a big closet) and write stuff all over the walls in red crayon.  Nobody ever found it until years later, when I moved to the room downstairs.

You've captured well the lamentations of a childhood expired.  The image you present is haunting... an old house where children once grew up, now all gone, and a woman longingly gazing at their walls, and seeing old crayon marks, even if they're not there (I take it she's looking in and remembering it differently than it is, not literally seeing crayon marks).

Very cool stuff, PDV.

Parasite

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
~Aldous Huxley

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
6 posted 2002-11-29 11:40 AM


These are from an 'open mic' night when we all had to write from the same phrases...it was FUN!
quietlydying
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz
7 posted 2002-12-02 01:55 AM


amen christopher.  

wow.  i loved the take on this one.  i'm really enjoying these wall tracings.  

they're so vivid.

alive.

this was purely powerful.

and that's all i have to say about that.

[beautifully written].

and i won't say another word about punctuation today... promise!



/jen/


i'm so bitterly disappointed.  betty, i think it's time you leave now.

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (12-02-2002 01:56 AM).]

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