Win or Die - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

0 posted 2001-02-13 05:28 PM

Your eyes stared
right at me

These brown orbs
prickled
in to-die-for lashes
just
long
enough
to tickle the smooth
underbelly of your
glasses

Surprisingly, the most innocently
child-like – the most
sensitive
of features, in an unusually
intimidating array
of appearances

But now,
your eyes stare
brows furrowed
yelling
at me to speak

to say something

(that ‘just say anything’
kind of something)

And my only defense
are my hands splayed helpless
mute, open to suggestion

Words though
words are simply lost to you
to the cut-and-dry
millitaryesque fashioning of reason
you like to call
logic

You spew analogies
(the same ones reserved
for the very stupid.)
They hack away
at everything that
my heart tries to bleed out

waiting
waiting

for the next line to come

Your eyes stare
at my hands
splayed helpless

and I say
“Just stop”

(quickly now, before the furrow
deepens into retort)

“Stop, please – my heart
cannot win against your mind”

That’s all it is, really
to you
Win
or Die

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

1 posted 2001-02-13 06:05 PM

"Win or die" is the philosophy of some....well written Nic.

Alicat
Member Elite

since 1999-05-23

Posts 4094
Coastal Texas

2 posted 2001-02-13 07:22 PM

Very stout, Nic. Good attention is given to facial language, something that is very hard to capture at times, coupled with explanatory body postures to portray the overall helplessness of the situation, the tangible lack of resolution. Well worded, but bittersweet, alum on the tongue. I especially liked and related to the Do or Die, though for me it's usually All or Nothing.

Skyfyre
Senior Member

since 1999-08-15

Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap

3 posted 2001-02-13 08:34 PM

Wow -- Deja-vu -- this happened to me last night (only I was the cool analytical sort, and the glasses and to-die-for lashes were his).

I'm torn between thanking you for this perspective and kicking myself squarely in the butt for being so aloof. I'd try to do both simultaneously, but I'm getting old and might break something.

But enough about me. Well done, from both an analytical and an emotional standpoint, Nicole. I thought the ending was especially striking.

Linda

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-02-15 02:17 PM

Do you live in New hamshire?
Last time I checked their motto was "live free or die" You might like it there.

Nice one here!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

5 posted 2001-02-15 04:47 PM

You display amazingly specific imagery. This is a piece to be proud of. I would like to read it again and if I see a critique I'll be back. It's wonderful.!

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee

Elizabeth Cor
Senior Member

since 2000-10-13

Posts 879
Over the river and through the woods

6 posted 2001-02-18 01:31 AM

Do I have to say that I know? Then let me say instead...
there it is... so small in my stomach: a black and boiling circle the size of a quarter, that runs so deep it brushes the back of the throat of my soul. And it sits there, a grey stone, just waiting for nights like this to melt itself down and steal my words and strength. Thick liquid writhing, the vapors searing pain to every inch they touch... their center this crippling, black, abscess core.
I still remember the night it was created, and the blind tears. Nicole, you take what I cannot speak simply and animate it into verse I don't have the voice for...
*half smiles* This is the anthem for the destructive mutes, the ones who understand that our “silent treatment” is harder on the one who cannot speak.
Just like jello... hit that spot in me I just never got out. Thanks for this one. *superherohugs*

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-22

Posts 9245
Illinois

7 posted 2001-02-20 10:41 AM

I agree with all above, especially Ali. You're imagery is fantastic! Stood right by and watched it unfold. Excellent!

Christopher

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

8 posted 2001-02-21 05:15 PM

*sigh*

I'm listenting to the theme song from Star Wars right now - and somehow, John Williams just caused my mind to read your poem as an epic struggle for mankind to throw down the opressive chains of teh guinea pigs and to rebel! Win our freedom from the tyranny of the pigs! Viva la Nicole! Viva!!!

Uhmm - I liked the poem too - Bol o' hugs lady!

C

Munda
Member Elite

since 1999-10-08

Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

9 posted 2001-03-06 04:44 PM

Oh yes, when it's the heart against the logical mind, there's no way the heart stands a chance... sigh... such is life uh?

Great poem Nicole... love it!

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.