TRIOLET of our Night - pipTalk Forums

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Son Netier
Member

since 2001-12-11

Posts 116
The Garden State

0 posted 2002-01-25 08:59 AM

Soft light cold night blankets holding our heat,
With you to touch and to caress all night,
To taste your lips kisses from you so sweet;
Soft light cold night blankets holding our heat,
What more need I just now we are complete,
Bonding and in blending our souls just right.
Soft light cold night blankets holding our heat,
With you to touch and to caress all night.

Bill
not sure I got this form correct,
if not it still was a sweet night.

Canuckster
Member

since 2002-01-09

Posts 285
New Mexico, USA

1 posted 2002-01-25 09:56 AM

I like the structure. I'm not sure what the formal term for it is but I want to say it is a novena. Perhaps someone will correct me on that. Not knowing the exact form you are going for it is hard to critique. The meter is not pure iambic pentameter, but then, perhaps it isn't meant to be.

I do think punctuation would help some, especially some commas on your repeationg line.

I like the overall feel and flow of the poem though. It is a nice compact and flowing piece and I enjoyed reading it.

never try to teach a pig to sing
it wastes your time AND annoys the pig

sodpossom
Senior Member

since 2001-06-15

Posts 723
N.C

2 posted 2002-01-25 09:58 AM

Sounds like you had a very sweet night.Enjoyed it!

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

3 posted 2002-01-28 03:10 PM

A triolet....a poem or stanza of eight lines in which the first line is repeated as the fourth and seventh lines, and the second line as the eighth, with a rhyme scheme of ABaAabAB..I do believe your form is correct and the poem...
sweet.

Maureen

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

4 posted 2002-01-28 03:16 PM

(smiles) Ooohhhhhhh...this is soooooooo beautiful, sweet friend, I love it! (big hugggssssss) Such romance fills your heart, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Bill, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Munda
Member Elite

since 1999-10-08

Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

5 posted 2002-01-28 04:06 PM

Kewl! I never heard of a Triolet before and find it a most amazing form.

Definitely something I'd like to try myself. Thanks and I enjoyed your poem too.

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

6 posted 2002-01-28 06:39 PM

I am not familiar with this form but I like the poem regardless

Kathleen--(Kay)
A true friend does not love you for who you are, but in spite of who you are." -- Caroline Tran

Silver Streak
Member Elite

since 2002-01-02

Posts 3625
FL, USA

7 posted 2002-01-28 08:18 PM

The triolet is an old French form dating back to the 13th century. It was often used to write a little poem to add to a box of candy.

For a little history and background of triolets see:
Poetic Forms: The Triolet by Conrad Geller http://www.writing-world.com/poetry/triolet.html

-newell

Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com

Copyright: 2002 Newell Elsworth Usher

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

8 posted 2002-01-28 10:02 PM

Dear Bill,
I liked the image and the construction. Good poem.

Nan

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

9 posted 2002-01-28 10:36 PM

Bill, enjoyed this one...perhaps will try one myself!
~Hugs, Nancy~

~Time has cast a spell on you,
So you won't ever forget me~

Lady Ollyne
Member

since 2001-01-08

Posts 337
East Coast

10 posted 2002-01-29 01:20 PM

Thy words inspired a triolet:

Thy Written Word
(Trio of Triolets)

The mind's eye can see, what other's can't
Thy written word 'tis not all it seems.
When upset, not thinking, takes a slant
The mind's eye can see, what other's can't.
Hard at times, a message to implant
Invading darkness, seducing dreams.
The mind's eye can see, what other's can't.
Thy written word is not all it seems.

So beware thine heart, the written word
Many have fallen, many lost trust.
Not upon ears, no syllable heard
So beware thine heart, the written word.
Ever so softly, a tenderness stirred
Dreaming thy lips, thought kisses a must
So beware thine heart, the written word.
Many have fallen, many lost trust.

The written words that produce desire
Will light the flames, and the candle burns.
A wish for "real" can make one acquire
The written words that produce desire.
Taste of fantasy, stoking the fire
Wanting of love, the reader still yearns
The written words that produce desire
Will light the flames, and the candle burns.

Respectfully
Lady Ollyne

"O, learn to read what silent love hath writ:
To hear with eyes belongs to love's fine wit"...Shakespeare

Startime
Member Ascendant

since 2000-10-03

Posts 5918
Canada

11 posted 2002-01-29 01:33 PM

I don't know anything about the form but this poem sure feels right. Softly sensual with just the right amount of heat...Magnificent. **big hugs**

Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

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