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Open Poetry #17
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Commitment
| Open Poetry #17 |
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Commitment |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla 
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Rewrite Repost: Commitment She the tongue that struck the bell And he the wrung and tolling shell Floating o’er the valleys green Eden of the lover’s scene Vibrations that we think are frail Forever sail in ghostly wail Nirvana flies in the core Touching, tasting every shore. Sentience does try the goal Cutting echoes in the soul Doubt, the earthquake and the shock Shatters the altar of rock. Garroted the thoughts instead Upshot thwarts the wedding bed Holy vows and oaths they swore Taste of hemlock evermore. When a heart strikes and tolls a bell The tart can shoal the soul as well. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Sy - This is really good stuff - I had to read it carefully to get the full meaning of the title - you did it perfectly. The last line brought everything together. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
LJA, You just made my day. Have you kicked and kittens lately? LOL Thanks for the read and wonderful comment. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Vibrations that we think are frail Forever sail in ghostly wail Nirvana flies in the core Touching, tasting every shore. Sentience does try the goal Cutting echoes in the soul Doubt, the earthquake and the shock Shatters the altar of rock. Garroted the thoughts instead Upshot thwarts the wedding bed Holy vows and oaths they swore Taste of hemlock evermore.   When a heart strikes and tolls a bell The tart can shoal the soul as well. ======================================= Ahh my prince of poetry...so much to see here...the phrasing and vocab is so very cool..as are the analogies and imagery... some very cool couplets of theme in this one and word play...I enjoyed the sarcastic dark edge to this as well.... Hemlock??? whew!!...me thinks you could call this one ball and chain instead of commitment *L* ahhh but whats one to do when love rears its ying and yang LOL very cool poem Stinky...have some raspberry tea instead of hemlock *ww*  You're the hidden cost and the thing that's lost in everything I do. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
JM, If there is a cure for Hemlock, It would surely be Raspberry tea. Served by a Butterfly over a flower in a bower made for you and me. A fantasy that never wilts built on the clouds of my mind. Clouds that took a life time to find. WW R S |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
my goodness Sy-babes ... even your replies are poetry ... *sigh* |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
JM, Because you are my poetry. WW R S |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Vibrations that we think are frail Forever sail in ghostly wail Nirvana flies in the core Touching, tasting every shore. ~~~~~~~~ The analogies and images are pure perfection Sey. Wonderful write! On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free. |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
I absolutely love this poem! I am/Kathleen/ |
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Opeth Senior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 1543The Ravines |
Imagery abounds in this well written poem. |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Seymour, always so awesome  I like the vocab here.... |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Gentle Spirit, Thanks for the wonderful. Kathleen, Thanks for the absolutely. *L* Opeth, Thanks for the well written. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Sea, Always a delight, glad you enjoyed. *L* |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
The sing and song of the righted wrong entice one's belief a heart's relief... I love it when you make me think! |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Sunshine, I love it when you shine. *L* |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
(smiles) Oh my gosh, your lovely words shine with earthly nirvana and colors of life! (big hugggsssss) We all love you so much, sweet friend, your talent shines in all your words! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Seymour, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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RosePetal
since 2001-08-26
Posts 2985South Florida |
Sy this is a delightful treat, Im loving it. RP |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Noah, Thank you. RP, Thanks for the read and like. |
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