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Open Poetry #17
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Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

0 posted 2001-12-28 08:09 AM


Rewrite Repost:


Commitment

She the tongue that struck the bell
And he the wrung and tolling shell
Floating o’er the valleys green
Eden of the lover’s scene

Vibrations that we think are frail
Forever sail in ghostly wail
Nirvana flies in the core
Touching, tasting every shore.

Sentience does try the goal
Cutting echoes in the soul
Doubt, the earthquake and the shock
Shatters the altar of rock.

Garroted the thoughts instead
Upshot thwarts the wedding bed
Holy vows and oaths they swore
Taste of hemlock evermore.

When a heart strikes and tolls a bell
The tart can shoal the soul as well.



© Copyright 2001 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
1 posted 2001-12-28 08:17 AM


Sy - This is really good stuff - I had to read it carefully to get the full meaning of the title - you did it perfectly.  The last line brought everything together.
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
2 posted 2001-12-28 08:25 AM


LJA,
You just made my day. Have you kicked and kittens lately? LOL Thanks for the read and wonderful comment.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2001-12-28 09:15 AM


Vibrations that we think are frail
Forever sail in ghostly wail
Nirvana flies in the core
Touching, tasting every shore.


Sentience does try the goal
Cutting echoes in the soul
Doubt, the earthquake and the shock
Shatters the altar of rock.


Garroted the thoughts instead
Upshot thwarts the wedding bed
Holy vows and oaths they swore
Taste of hemlock evermore.  

When a heart strikes and tolls a bell
The tart can shoal the soul as well.
=======================================

Ahh my prince of poetry...so much to see here...the phrasing and vocab is so very cool..as are the analogies and imagery...
some very cool couplets of theme in this one
and word play...I enjoyed the sarcastic dark edge to this as well....
Hemlock??? whew!!...me thinks you could call this one ball and chain instead of commitment *L*
ahhh but whats one to do when love rears its ying and yang LOL
very cool poem Stinky...have some raspberry tea instead of hemlock
*ww*

You're the hidden cost and the thing that's lost in everything I do.
Thats the way love is ... sky blue and black.


Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
4 posted 2001-12-28 09:32 AM


JM,
If there is a cure for Hemlock, It would surely be Raspberry tea. Served by a Butterfly over a flower in a bower made for you and me. A fantasy that never wilts built on the clouds of my mind. Clouds that took a life time to find. WW R S

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

5 posted 2001-12-28 11:02 AM


my goodness Sy-babes ... even your replies are poetry ...

*sigh*  


Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
6 posted 2001-12-28 11:05 AM


JM,
Because you are my poetry. WW R S

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

7 posted 2001-12-28 11:45 AM


Vibrations that we think are frail
Forever sail in ghostly wail
Nirvana flies in the core
Touching, tasting every shore.

~~~~~~~~
The analogies and images are pure perfection Sey.  Wonderful write!

On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free.
~Me~

(I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance~Garth)

Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

8 posted 2001-12-28 11:47 AM



I absolutely love this poem!  

I am/Kathleen/

Opeth
Senior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 1543
The Ravines
9 posted 2001-12-28 11:49 AM


Imagery abounds in this well written poem.
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
10 posted 2001-12-28 12:26 PM


Seymour, always so awesome I like the vocab here....
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
11 posted 2001-12-28 12:26 PM


Gentle Spirit,
Thanks for the wonderful.

Kathleen,
Thanks for the absolutely. *L*

Opeth,
Thanks for the well written.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
12 posted 2001-12-28 12:29 PM


Sea,
Always a delight, glad you enjoyed. *L*

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
13 posted 2001-12-30 07:46 AM



The sing and song
of the righted wrong
entice one's belief
a heart's relief...

I love it when you make me think!

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
14 posted 2001-12-30 07:48 AM


Sunshine,
I love it when you shine. *L*

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
15 posted 2001-12-30 03:16 PM




(smiles) Oh my gosh, your lovely words shine with earthly nirvana and colors of life! (big hugggsssss) We all love you so much, sweet friend, your talent shines in all your words! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Seymour, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

RosePetal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-08-26
Posts 2985
South Florida
16 posted 2001-12-30 03:20 PM


Sy this is a delightful treat, Im loving it.

RP

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
17 posted 2001-12-30 06:03 PM


Noah,
Thank you.

RP,
Thanks for the read and like.

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