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Open Poetry #17
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Crystal Catacombs (the Last Songs), Entry #1 - "Stone Harlequin"
| Open Poetry #17 |
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Crystal Catacombs (the Last Songs), Entry #1 - "Stone Harlequin" |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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(I felt like revisiting an old series that I wrote a long time ago, and posted in Teen Poetry #4. For some reason I just began writing an extension to where the story last left off... I modified the title of one of Doreen's poems and used it in one line [thanks Doreen]... in any case... here's the first of my few follow-up poems, the "last songs." If you like it, maybe I'll post some of the others later on...  )Stone Harlequin Withered, my body, how old I have grown Laying, a snack to the starving abyss Bidding farewell to the home I have known Bidding farewell as I slide into bliss Harlequin's malice corroding my soul Sniping me, photographs ready their aim Branding my memories, taking their toll Branding my future, a flickering flame Hands of my legacy perching the piers Clutching so close to my fingers of stone Letting their sorrows in salt-water tears Letting their harvest for crops over-sown Youth but a mystery, wrapt in a silk Floating like glaciers into the sea Closing my lips from its nourishing milk Closing my eyes from the white I would see Whispering wonders of sadness unborn Love slowly brushes me, sister of Death Here to unpolish my gems of adorn Here to demolish with pestilent breath Tell me your love is a truth beyond time What, such a secret, to hold in your heart? Mysteries hidden while blatancies climb Mysteries hidden beneath such an art What makes a canvas from flesh of a boy? Painter's defiance to tear me to shreds You are a murderer, sadist for joy You are a slayer, a cleaver of heads Rotting, a casket so fitting a bed Pounding with hammers of flesh who were hands Screaming your name with the spite I have bled Screaming your song from the burial lands [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 12-17-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
You have used a fantastic form here... I like the repeating words in the last two lines, every stanza... and wonderful rhyme... and a great use of vocab... regards, sudhir |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
You have my permission to continue on with this series...you Were Asking for permission, yes? |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~Possibly a first read of you for me,...quite impressed here. Every line as I went along tore deeper into my thoughts. Enjoyed this experience, the wording and form. Will read again. *Peace. |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
Hey Sweet Thing. I love this format, it really adds to the poem. You said the others were better than this one but I don't see how that is possible, lol. This one is a library for sure *yay*, and for now on you have to IM me when you post a new writing on here, lol. Take care Buddy, Much Love! Liefhe alle ten spijte van duivel... A tes souhaits... A tes amours... Qu ils restent. J'ai t'adore. Je t'aime. |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
chills..... i got chills reading this.... too many fine lines to quote, Allan... all i can say is.... you are a Poet.... you write succinctly with vivid imagery, you have a unique voice and your work is prolific and daring and honest.... Sometimes when i read poetry it doesn't ring true... something's missing... some essence of the author... some honesty ... does that make sense? with your work, it's never the case. it's always dynamic and filled with your soul ... as it should be i'm impressed by your writing... could you tell? hey... when i start my publishing business, you wouldn't mind if i published you, would you? sorry, i'm not really up to dissecting and analyzing this but it would be a great piece to do that with..... i'd like to start a bulletin board on line where we can talk about the essence of the pieces posted... how they effected us, what we perceived in the layers of meanings.... your poetry is alive!! please don't stop!!!!! |
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
BRAVO!!!!Your words are fill with intensity that flows with a powerful quality. Amazing. Yes, this poem sings with clear strong notes. **hugs**  Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams. |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
BRAVO!!! WONDERFULLY EXPRESSED!!! I TOO WISH FOR YOU TO CONTINUE THIS WONDERFUL SERIES!!! (smiles) Your talent shines from your golden pen, sweet friend, I love it!!! (big hugggsssss) We all love you so very much!!! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Allan, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
very nice, Allan! Kathleen (Kay) |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
An excellent poem, Alan! You stayed true to the form and rhyme scheme yet made it all flow smooth as silk and come alive...please continue... |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
wow allan, this was very nice. makes me want to dig around and reread your "Crystal Catacombs" series. can't wait to see the rest of this hun. great job and love you much. *rbsnuffle* tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
Wow Allan, this is fantastic poetry. Whether this series, or other poetry, I sure do hope to see more from you. You certainly do have a way with words that is quite stunning in its imagery. This is one of the best pieces I have read here in a long time. Glad to see you posting again. If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please? |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
What a marvelous piece Allan ... wonderful cadence and rhyme throughout, and the repetative words on the 3rd and 4th line flowed so beautifully. Your talent shines brilliantly through these lines! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Allan, this rings with crystal purityof a bell and has the underlying dark of a tomb. Well Done! Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Hey look what I found...I havent been in here as much of late with personal things and my comp problems...and I know Im missing a lot of great poetry ... but Im so glad I didnt miss this even if I am late to the party. This is a very ambitious piece of writing Allan...very cool write...very cool title too. So much to find delight and impress in...first of all what stands out to me is the clever mix of rhyme, and those repetative word couplets which made for superb cadence. Also impressive is the vocabulary and poetic phrasing, as is the imagery... you really worked the imagery and symbolizims in this to create the mood of the poem and to successfully carry out the theme. Theres even some alliterations thrown in for extra credit  This is a unique write and I too would like to see more of the series. And since I know you like more than just praise...I was wondering what was the reason for the 2 verses being in italics and the only phrase that I caught on was the 2nd line of the poem..maybe its just me..but the word snack seems out of place when surrounded by all the other vocabulary and more classic phrasing and language... what was your intend on that line...the word "snack" just doesnt sound "poetic" to me... but like I said..it might me be very very cool writing Allan more please *L* jm You're the hidden cost and the thing that's lost in everything I do. |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
ahhh. . . it's nice to see this series return. . . I liked reading it at your website. . . and now, I like seeing you come back to it. . . this form works well. . . and you make it your own. . . great job. . . ---------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
JM - Darn tootin' on the Snack dealie. I was just using that as a word meaning "morsel" or "foodstuff" that went with my consonance in the first line (the letter S). On a different topic, anybody want to feel my pain? Go check out my alley thread...  |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Oh and past that, the use of italics was to emphasize the shift from a progressive action, which is the basis of most other stanzas (notice the verbs with "ing" at the end). The italicized stanzas were meant to be insight into the character's state of mind, instead of description of the character's actions (even if some of those actions were psychological). Thanks for taking interest... |
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