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Open Poetry #17
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Wrapping : Serial Haikus +
| Open Poetry #17 |
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Wrapping : Serial Haikus + |
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Son Netier Member
since 2001-12-11
Posts 116The Garden State |
Where’s the sticky stuff Tape the edges hold it tight, Paper and bright foil. Hurry, hurry now, A day’s shopping wrap tonight, Where is the ribbon? The curious type, Must be wrapped and out of sight, Before she returns. Unneeded sparkles, Silver and gold to delight, Covered in paper. To give to her a few presents from me, To watch her eyes react to what she sees. Bill After writing the haikus, I found I had 12 lines, I just couldn’t resist adding the final couplet making a sort of Sonnet. I don’t think I have the actual feeling of Haiku down yet, but I’ll try again later there’s so many of them about. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Bill Shivers - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Dear, dear, Son Netier... You can turn just about anything into a SonNet of sorts, can't you... You're gonna drive me out my formatted mind here...  This is very cute, btw... geesh.. |
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Son Netier Member
since 2001-12-11
Posts 116The Garden State |
Nan, I couldn’t help myself, it’s that ole’ Iambic pentameter rolling around in my brain. Besides I can only count to 14. Bill |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (smiles) Oh Son, I love this so much, this is so creative and inventive! (smiles) I actually think I'd like to try a poem in a style like this, I love the couplet attachment! (big hugggssssss) May you bring smiles to many faces as your loved ones open your presents this holiday season! (smiles) We all love you so much, sweet friend! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Son, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I refuse to call you Son!! LOL I've always said, I read with my heart and not my head (didn't mean for that to rhyme though). I enjoyed this Haik-onnet!!!  |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
I loved this too! *I also refuse to call you Son* Ha! Therefore we must come up with another name or just leave it....did I say how good with is? Well...it is!! ~Hugs, Nancy~ "A dream is a wish your heart makes..." |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Hey Son you done a good job. Enjoyed |
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Son Netier Member
since 2001-12-11
Posts 116The Garden State |
Noah, Agin your response is sweet encouragement, the lovely spirit within you shines. Poet DeVine, Call me Bill then, I like that term Haik-onnet maybe I try more of them. Enchantress, You can call me Bill, or Will, or Billy, but just not late for dinner. And as long as my words are pleasing you the I’ll be happy. Seymour, Thanks for the kind words, you slipped in while I was posting, wasn't ignoring you, just missed in passing. Bill [This message has been edited by Son Netier (edited 12-16-2001).] |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
Bill, you did a great job, but....they're senryu's for haiku's always have to do with nature, but never mind that. These are lovely. Titia A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess... |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
Whether they're haikus or senryus, I liked them. Good holiday poetry, and I enjoyed it. Nan |
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Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
Sometimes I say, to heck with the rules, give us your emotion in poetry and more, please! As these are not haiku, but senryu [with a sonnet tossed in...LOL] I will say you are well on your way to understanding the count, you just have to remember: Nature = haiku; senryu = everything else, all with a 5/7/5 count. |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Let's call it a senryonnet I like it. Well done, and a new form of poetry called the "Netier Senryonnet." A mixture of Brittain and Japan write on good poet let not style hold back your hand just share it with us ~*~ fish swiming upstream bare instinct the driving force the eggs shall be laid Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. |
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Son Netier Member
since 2001-12-11
Posts 116The Garden State |
Pilgrimage, Lady in White, Interloper What ever it is or can be called your encouragement has sparked me to do something similar, but I won’t know what to call it. What’s in a name? Bill |
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