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Open Poetry #17
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The Bracelet
| Open Poetry #17 |
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The Bracelet |
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rebekah33 Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 140MD/NJ |
Try harder, he says. I'm giving it my best, she says. (knowing she gave it her all). And there is no way she can go on. For not even his kisses soothe her. Sheknows it has to end, for once and for all. Nobody told her it was going to be this hard. But there she lays,looking into those eyes. The ones she has loved(es) for so long. Nothing can be spoken, because she doesn't want to place hurt in them, as she has so many times before. So they lay there, talking back and forth. Trying to reach a place where both can be happy. And so she promises to try harder. (even though they know she can't) And he promises to change. (even though they know he can't) And thus they part one last time as lovers. The door closed behind her, with a bang. And just like that her bracelet falls to the ground. And she knows, in her heart, it is over. Hey everyone...I hope you're not trying to make logic of my love life, its way too complicated plus the poems I've been reworking and posting are in no particular order. Question: the last stanza??? thanks! -R. "So stop and love and dance and live and laugh until you cry" Edwin McCain |
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| © Copyright 2001 rebekah33 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
the last stanza brings it to a powerful close in my opinion...I liked this poem very much  |
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DarkAngelChelle Member
since 2001-12-06
Posts 87Kansas |
Nice writing. And I do like the last stanza. The falling of the bracelet just seems to cement the ending of the relationship. It's like the breaking of a circle ... one never thinks that it will never end ... but in the end ... somehow, the links are weakened and fall apart. ~What is cherished most is what must be the hardest fought for.~ |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Loved the whole poem but the last verse I related much to, since I gave someone a bracelet and the symbolism of it has yet to fall. Enjoyed. |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (tears fall down my cheeks) Oh Rebekah, this is so very sad and heartaching! My heart cries out to these two lovers and I pray with all my heart they can each find happiness soon! (sigh) We all love you so much, sweet friend, I cried reading this! (kiss on cheek) You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Rebekah, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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amusemi Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1262A State of Disarray |
Remeber in the movie Apollo 13 when the wife lost her ring down the drain. This reminded my of that same ominous symbolism. Irony is our life in poetry and I love it in this piece. It is as if the God's are telling us something and giving us a symbol to hold onto for closure. |
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
*sigh* sadly powerful. The last verse brings it all painfully together. Very well done. **hugs**  Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
I remember when my ex wife lost her ring...and I rushed to replace it...but it was all for a reason...it didn't mean anything anymore...James |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Rebekah~ I REALLY like this~ 'So they lay there, talking back and forth. Trying to reach a place where both can be happy.' Doesn't always get to that 'happy' place ... but knowing they've tried is a plus~ *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Opeth Senior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 1543The Ravines |
"Nobody told her it was going to be this hard. But there she lays,looking into those eyes. The ones she has loved(es) for so long. Nothing can be spoken, because she doesn't want to place hurt in them, as she has so many times before." The baring of your true feelings for this person is plain for all to see here within your words. I enjoyed reading this. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
rebekah, this is a very good exploration of the emotions of a failing love relationship. The falling bracelet is an excellent image. I heard it drop. |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
rebekah33 - glad that I had a chance to read this. I also, like the last stanza, very powerful... BC |
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Soleil Noir Senior Member
since 2001-12-19
Posts 688USA |
It is the sound of "over" that makes one wonder what they heard when it "began". I agree with Bill Charles, last stanza said it all. |
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