all that really matters is everything around you (inspired by Doreen's poem)

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Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

0 posted 2001-11-16 11:48 AM

Firstly, let me thank Doreen for her exceptional ability to inspire... She is an awesome writer... this one just happened as a result of thoughts being scribbled immediately after reading her poem "you never answer your own reponses.... " /pip/Forum52/HTML/000188.html

I hope that I have done justice to her by this work. I also have used a few lines from her poem.

Thanks once again, Doreen. You are magical

----------------------------------------------------

all that really matters is everything around you

there you are,
sitting by the window
in the back seat
of the tram,
and you seem to have that
pondering feel to you,
as if mesmerised
by the neon
lights outside

it doesn't really matter why
but i've noticed that
these days, it gets dark soon,
maybe because
winter has arrived
and days are short
as the sun rushes away
running away
fearing the cold air, and misty clouds
to hide behind the distant
horizon

the tram pulls along in its
serpentine ways,
zig-zagging -
through the crowds of
empty streets;

it must be really very
cold outside

where have all the children gone?
and the giggling teenagers?
and the beautiful women?
and their persistent suitors ?

if this world becomes
so frosty,
and so frigid,
where shall i seek warmth?
why do i have to rely on
artificial heating?
what about natural healing?

they say time is a healer
but do i have the patience
to wait for my turn to come?
do you?

life is too short
and if i still have to wait
in this queue
now knowing where i stand
where i belong
how far to go,
when shall i move?

or do i stop thinking
and leave one day at a time
as if today is my last day?
that thought is depressing too,
for i've so many things to do,
for i've to feel loved again
for i need to find the warmth
i really do

does it really matter at all
that i see you staring
at the cobbled streets
crowded by emptiness
and does it matter
for me to wonder
if you are feeling cold too?

and if that is why you are
holding your hand
under your face,
on the side of your neck,
caressing your throat,
slowly, as if perturbed,
anxious of the wait

do i see
your fingers twitching
or are you shivering
or are you trying to generate
artificial warmth too?

don’t you feel that
all that really matters
is everything around you
so that it seems warm
and stays warm
and spreads warmth

like the feeling of love
and that extra bit of
human touch

---------

well, my word processor showed that this one had 365 words... that's coincidence as well... no. of days in a year (apart from the leap years...) I think my Happy Hour is just getting longer and longer... anyway, I will stop rambling... thanks for everything...

[This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 11-16-2001).]

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

1 posted 2001-11-16 11:57 AM

This is awesome. A wonderful response to thoughts triggered by our special poetess. You have done a magnificent job. I will keep this one, and read it again and again.

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant

since 2001-05-07

Posts 5182
Netherlands

2 posted 2001-11-16 01:04 PM

really enjoyed reading this Sudhir

Titia

A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess...
Feel free to use the pictures on my website. http://communities.msn.com/Titiasplace/

[This message has been edited by Titia Geertman (edited 11-16-2001).]

Dee
Member Elite

since 2000-08-19

Posts 2330
Queensland, Australia

3 posted 2001-11-16 02:37 PM

Sudhir, as usual your work impresses. It was worth the wander with you through your thoughts.

Dee

I wish you every happiness and may you always have the best of the good things in life. a brand

peaches73533
Senior Member

since 2001-11-04

Posts 981
OK, USA

4 posted 2001-11-16 02:49 PM

I enjoyed reading this.
Peaches

LngJhnAg
Member Elite

since 1999-07-23

Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion

5 posted 2001-11-16 02:49 PM

well done, Suhir - I see Doreen has captured you, too.

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

6 posted 2001-11-16 02:50 PM

Her inspire definately gave you some inspiration! Nice write.

On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free.
~Me~

(I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance~Garth)

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

7 posted 2001-11-16 02:59 PM

Sudhir! This ONE I just love!
Truly remarkable.
Doreen is quite an inspiration all write/right.
~hugs, Nancy~

~I've loved you forever, in lifetimes before.~

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

8 posted 2001-11-16 03:54 PM

Sudhir I really enjoyed reading this...James

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

9 posted 2001-11-16 04:03 PM

Suddy this is unlike anything I've read from you..mind you I haven't been here much at all lately - so perhaps you have been writing like this for sometime..at any rate, it has clarity and a simplicity that I really like...it's gentle - and says a lot, speaks to me etc...

One part I found a little awkward:

'or do i stop thinking
and leave one day at a time
as if today is my last day?
that thought is depressing too,
for i've so many things to do,
for i've to feel loved again
for i need to find the warmth
i really do'

I think it's unnecessary for the poem as a whole...

My favourite part:

'does it really matter at all
that i see you staring
at the cobbled streets
crowded by emptiness
and does it matter
for me to wonder
if you are feeling cold too?

and if that is why you are
holding your hand
under your face,
on the side of your neck,
caressing your throat,
slowly, as if perturbed,
anxious of the wait'

Lovely writing my friend - very good to read you again..

hugs,

K

I am a refugee of logic...insisting
on unlikely land with every step.

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

10 posted 2001-11-19 03:24 AM

Well, my friends... you are so generous and kind... really... Thanks a lot...

And, my friend Kamla, that part looks awkward when I read it now... thanks for pointing it out...

Regards to all,
Sudhir

doreen peri
Member Elite

since 1999-05-25

Posts 3812
Virginia

11 posted 2001-11-19 10:29 AM

Fabulous!!!!!!!! thank you for your kind words and i'm honored that some of my words may have inspired this fine piece of writing!

Lady In White

Member Elite

since 2001-02-12

Posts 2799
USA

12 posted 2001-11-19 01:29 PM

a bit of magic, then, as one poet inspires another. I am sure [as I have not yet read the responses] that Doreen has seen this and is just dancing...

I know I have been blessed by her way with words...

and yes, please, allow your Happy Hour to extend into the next millenium, if you will...for we've only just begun....

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

13 posted 2001-11-20 04:42 AM

Doreen, the honour is all mine... thanks

O Lady, thank you so much for your response... as for my happy hour, I will do my best...

Regards to all,
Sudhir

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