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Open Poetry #17
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turmoil
| Open Poetry #17 |
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turmoil |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium 
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all dressed up, i am ready to go out then i grasp, there is nowhere i could go so i stay in place, transfixed to a sight just because i have nowhere else to be my face is clean, decorated with smiles then i see that it's a picture of lies and i wear this crown of thirsty black thorns who drink scarlet wine flowing down my head it feels like this is just that sad state of turmoil when your memory's a spring waiting to uncoil it's ever so strange when you see my face your face shapes into an obstinate cage i wonder what went wrong from being right never believed you'd turn your head away it feels like you're taking these lights away when you rush to fade in those dark pathways it feels almost as if, almost as if you've got tired of looking at these eyes i think that i am in that sad state of turmoil when your memory's a spring waiting to uncoil "I was born intelligent - education ruined me" [This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 11-14-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
"it feels like this is just that sad state of turmoil when your memory's a spring waiting to uncoil" Oh my ... what a powerful piece this is Sudhir! You grabbed my heart with this piece ... I could feel an almost desperation through this lines ... an amazing write my friend, excellent!  Wonderful to read you again! Best wishes, /Kit |
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rosepetals25
since 2000-05-31
Posts 3076PA |
Sudhir, I have to echo Kit's setiments. Very powerful emotional peice I enjoyed.. good job Hugs, Tara "My heart is like an open book, for the whole world to read" |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Fantastic writing, though full of sadness and turmoil. I recall feeling like an overwound clock spring, just waiting to unwind. A different thought, but perhaps a parallel idea, viewed from the opposing pair of eyes. As always, you offer much food for thought. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Soft critique... "then i grasp, there is nowhere i could go" I was going to ask if you meant "gasp" and then it occurred to me that "grasp" could very well be what you mean; "just because i have, nowhere else to be" might work better without the "comma"; as for the rest, I can only ditto Kit's comments...a very strong piece here... |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
You brought thoughts to my mind that I was thinking the other day...I was wondering why I seemed to always pick women that were emotionally unavailable...was it a weakness in me...and I can only hope that I have finally broken that chain...and made a good choice in lieu of myself...and actually I believe that this one picked me...and that is the key to my happiness...James |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
your writing never fails to impress my friend. take care There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Thank you very much, my dear friends... and yes, Karilea, the comma was inadverdently placed... thank you... Regards to all, Sudhir |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Sudhir - Thank you for your wisdom - Turmoil is indeed becoming all too common a state for the world. It's very nice to see you posting, my friend.. |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Thank you Nan... for coming by and your kind response... it is quite nice to be here Regards, Sudhir |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Sudhir, you paint such strong images like a face "decorated with smiles." Powerful! |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Interloper, Thanks so much... Regards, Sudhir |
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texasrose Member
since 2001-10-24
Posts 146 |
Impressive writing, I enjoyed. *s* |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Thanks a lot, texasrose... regards, sudhir |
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