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Open Poetry #17
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her eyes... (senryu)
| Open Poetry #17 |
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her eyes... (senryu) |
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Jeffrey E. Osborne Member
since 2001-11-01
Posts 160out there 
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It has been over 15 years since I last attempted to write a haiku/senryu. I had given up, believing it too difficult to fully express an idea in such a short confined structure. But after reading so many beautiful examples here in Passions of this challenging poetic style, I thought I'd give it another try. Please feel free to give me your honest opinions regarding this poem; I'm always eager to hear ways I can improve my craft.  ---------------------------------------------------- crystalline clear blue held transfixed by their beauty lovelight fills her eyes "people say I should learn some self-control, but I just want to exorcise my soul" |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jeff Osborne - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
hmm...aside from seeing crystalline and blue eyes all over the poetic map, I enjoyed this one, Jeffey!  LOL! perhaps I'm a bit biased on the eye color issue though? Its good to see you, Dear Sir! Your storm of assumption feeds anger I am calm enough to hold inside. Don't pretend to know me if you've never put stretched out your heart with since |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I think your poem is beautiful..good job!  |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (sigh) Oh Jeffrey, you are soooooooo romantic, the beauty of your loves eyes shine in this gorgeous poem! (smiles) I'm so happy you wrote senryu again, you write them so beautifully! (smiles) I love it, sweet friend! (big hugggssss) You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Jeffrey, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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