Seasonal Piece-with questions

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VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

0 posted 2001-12-04 10:34 AM

This poem was burning to be written for 3 days. I'm uncertain if I want to put the title to it. The title would be the recurring line. What do you think? Would it be revealing the climax of the message too soon?

************************************
would you seek it in a tiny stable
made of wood,
filled with straw?
would you find in the stones
of a darkened
cave wall?
could it be
in the crevices of a churchyard
filled with memories
of love gone by?
where is your Bethlehem?
where does it reside?

in the whisper of the treetops
gently moving
in the wind,
in the cooing of a baby’s tongue
when you’ve
chucked him under chin,
could you find it your heart
when you’ve asked
Him to come in?
where is your Bethlehem?
where has it been?

in the humming of a humming bird,
the whirring
of its wings,
in the longings of a goldfinch
as it sits
alone and sings,
could you find it in the shadowed places
edged
with golden light?
where is your Bethlehem?
is it calling in the night?

Look beneath the tree
laden with promises of love,
look beneath the wings
of an iv’ry-colored dove,
whisper in your prayer
to our wondrous God above;
surely it has come down
in His everlasting love.
There is your Bethlehem,
in the longings of your heart.

is that not to be
the birthplace of the Son
to bring true life
to His little chosen one?

(the last stanza was added after I posted the previous section, is it anti-climatic? should I leave it off? is its message already contained, prior to it, inferentially?)

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

1 posted 2001-12-04 01:12 PM

I enjoyed this poem...I think the title "Finding Bethlehem" would be appropriate....but its your poem...James

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

2 posted 2001-12-04 02:00 PM

that is a good idea, James! It would give away the main punch of the poem, I think, and yet would reveal the subject

thanks, I'll consider it

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

3 posted 2001-12-04 02:57 PM

Virginia,

I loved your work. I agree with you the the last part can be deleted.

I suggest a title of "Where."

In any case, I love it

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

4 posted 2001-12-04 03:02 PM

Sanctuary much, Interloper. It seems pretty much unanimous, so far, to delete the last stanza, shoulda left it off in the first place. Sometimes I just plain overwork things.

Glad you liked it.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Startime
Member Ascendant

since 2000-10-03

Posts 5918
Canada

5 posted 2001-12-04 03:05 PM

*sigh* I lost myself in the beauty and wonder of it. Stunning by any title you give it. You touch our hearts where He lives. **hugs**

Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

6 posted 2001-12-04 03:11 PM

(smiles) Soooooooo beautiful! (sigh) I too agree the title should answer the question of "where" his Love rests, the sanctuary within our hearts. (sigh) I always love your words, you have such amazing talent! (kiss on cheek) You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Virginia, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

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