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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #16 |
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Becoming (a rascal's goodbye) |
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rascalx Senior Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 590Florence, SC, USA 
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(please excuse my long introduction  )This will be rascalx's last poem. When I joined this wonderful forum in 1999, I thought it would be fun to post my work under a pseudonym; somehow the idea of anonymity appealed to me. With a smile on my face, I began posting my work under the guise of "rascalx". It's been over two years since that first poem and I have found many friends here and I have seen my talents as a writer flourish; but I've also noticed something a bit disturbing. My poems began taking on a life of their own; the words I was writing here began to represent a different person - not the one that I was in "real" life but the person that I longed to be. "Rascalx" became my alter-ego; the emotions I expressed here became the things I longed to feel in real life instead of in secret. Even the beautiful relationship I shared with a fellow poet here was part of a "secret life" because I was not able to make it real and I think that is one of the reasons that it ultimately didn't work. It's a mistake I do not want to repeat. I have made some very important decisions regarding my personal life and over the next several months, these decisions will have a lasting emotional impact on many people. As I look towards my new future, I realize that I can no longer live a lie. If my heart's dream is to embrace the words I have written here and make them real then I need to stop hiding behind the mask I have created with them; thus "Rascalx" needs to disappear. To everyone here I say thank you and God bless all of you; your beautiful words have been a source of comfort so many times and your comments on my own words have been the smile on my face and in my heart. I will miss all of you. I'm not calling this a goodbye because I'm sure I will be back - the writer in me demands this and my muse is relentless (lol) but when I do return, it will not be as anyone but the person I long to be in my soul - Jeff Osborne November 1, 2001 ____________________________________________________ Becoming.... Becoming something but what will I be? So many things I thought I'd never see Are now all the things that make up me Lost in confusion, I make my final plea Please help me find my destiny Help me become free... becoming me When did my truth become a lie? When did I stop wondering why? my laughter hides the tears inside What is it I'm trying so hard to hide? Trying to spread myself too thin Trying to get out of this mess I'm in Promises made I can no longer keep Nightmares of you that haunt my sleep Becoming something but what will I be? So many things I thought I'd never see Are now all the things that make up me Lost in confusion, I make my final plea Please help me find my destiny Help me become free... becoming me Emotional insecurity feeds my instability Powerful sensuality feeds my sexuality If you're the angel on my shoulder Am I the devil in disguise? Why is the image in your mirror the reflection I despise? Off to find the answer to the question of you Not sure what I'll look for, not sure what I'll do But this dance isn't over, the music is still playing I just need to find out what the words are saying Becoming something but what will I be? So many things I thought I'd never see Are now all the things that make up me Lost in confusion, I make my final plea Please help me find my destiny Help me become free... becoming me "People say I should learn some self control; but I just want to exorcise my soul" |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jeff Osborne - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
Life is interesting in that we change in our quest to find ourselves. So many things can happen that help us to develope into the person we are. Only you know, in your heart, who you are and only you can deside what is right for you. Remember life is change and with every change we grow and change. It looks like you have learned some lessons in life that now have you going in a different direction and that is a good thing. With lifes lessons it isn't important if we pass them but what we do with them in the end that count. Mistakes are made....we look at them and move on having learned from the experience. I am sorry if I have gone on and on. Your poem made me think of life and all my own experiences both good and bad. It looks to me like you have already found yourself and are becoming the man you want to be. For that I salute you. I will look forward to your return for your words are filled with a talent uniquely yours. Thank you, so very much, for sharing a piece of who you are with me today. Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Throughout the metamorphosis, Jeff, it will still be you. I'm looking forward to the 'Jeff' poetry. And it's a brave step, to ask your shadow to stay in the background. |
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Decaflame Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635 |
It is all right to don a mantle now and then if it allows you to explore those other selves in you in order to write... it is when we "use" those mantles to be someone else to deceive, that it is not... you've made a wise choice, and I look forward to the return of Jeff...the writer... |
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DawnG
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494United States |
Jeff, I applaud you in your decision to become yourself and leave the safe haven of a pseudonym behind. I have tried so many times in the past to hide behind a pseudonym, and in same cases I have been successful, but as I get closer to people, I find it harder and harder to disguise some parts of my life. I am me for better or worse and someday I will learn to accept that. Sorry to see you leave, but understand why. I hope to see you back on the blue pages very soon. Dawn |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Jeff, I totally understand why you're doing this. . . it's a big step for you, and one that I'm glad to see you take. . . this is the best thing that I've ever read from you. . . and yes, I feel that it does show more of "Jeff" and less of "rascal". . . we'll leave the light on my friend. . . -------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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BldWhtRose Junior Member
since 2001-09-24
Posts 38Alabama USA |
Odd that I even came in here tonight , only to find this, You, and the new You here with me..... ?? More than coincidence ? Premonition ? I am dumb founded ? ARE all the lies behind you now? behind us ? Are you really now headed towards the person you want to be ? The man you really are deep inside, so long ago lost ? Love You, My Friend ?? !!!!!!! This really is Beautiful......one of your best.... !!! Okay, Okay I concede If you hold true to this , I WILL be very proud of you ....... and get off your back..... for awhile !  [This message has been edited by BldWhtRose (edited 11-04-2001).] |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Jeff, But this dance isn't over, the music is still playing I just need to find out what the words are saying I have read all your work since arriving here, and enjoyed every piece. I do hope you hear the words to your song, and it is a happy one. Pen on for you are a truly gifted writer, and I wish you a pleasant journey of discovery. See you again, and thank you for your giftings as rascalx. ~*~ Carpe' Diem ~*~ |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Jeff. You've written from your soul...and the next time there's a name merge on the software, you can merge rascalx with your new name.  |
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walker Member Elite
since 2001-02-11
Posts 2240Florida |
Great decision, being true to yourself is as important as being true to others, Good Luck, on your new self.  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Jeff, I wish you the best and will welcome your return... |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Jeff...all the best, and please come back and visit once in while. ~hugs, NancyLee~ |
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Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
Well now you've answered a question that I'd had when I saw a post answered by someone called Jeff Osborne. It said it was his first post, but I suspected it was someone who was not new here. I hope you find all the answers you are seeking to find. And under your real name, I hope you will continue to post your poetry, and come out from the shadows. If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please? |
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BlueIceKristahls New Member
since 2001-11-03
Posts 4 |
Congratulations on your new found "self".....and freedom that awaits you ! Hope this has been an inspiration to many to set their REAL self free !!! Best of Wishes ! I am new here, but think by the replies you will be missed ! follow your dreams swim to your safety !  [This message has been edited by BlueIceKristahls (edited 11-04-2001).] |
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA |
Perhaps the two aren't as different from each other as you think. Good luck in your quest. |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
jeff..this is often a difficult journey..the journey to you..and one you must do mostly alone..but when you stumble, i hope you'll lift your eyes to see whos still standing beside you..they are the ones who believe in you.. i wish you much luck..know that i am standing beside you  will be on the look out for jeffrey in the blue pages.. perhaps you'll introduce him sooner than later.. hugs, g ~dgvarner/fallen rain~ |
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