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Open Poetry #16
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Les Walt Miserables: The Story of Our Lives
| Open Poetry #16 |
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Les Walt Miserables: The Story of Our Lives |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) 
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The players: The forces of good: Wayoutwalt the hero 010101110 binary code the essence of it all The Internet Serenity Cupid Sprites and fairies The forces of evil: The computer Act I: The Arrival (en media res) (The scene begins with little Walt Vowing to never again take halt!) Walt: I am, I am, truly now alive I have a computer, just one, no not five I am the king, the king of the empire! And I will, I will, sate my one desire There is only one thing that I do not oooown I want a woman, a pretty girl to call my own! (Walt, our hero, sits in front of his brand new toy Unaware that it has a mind to crush this little boy) (Enter the evil computer) Hiss! Computer: He thinks, through me, he'll rule his own empire But does he know I was made with many loosened wire? I will show him bounty he could never ever spend!! And then I will, I will destroy him in the end!! Hiss! Walt: I am dreaming of a lady that I will ever love My thoughts are ever pure for her, the angels smile above I have my poetry and my magic mythic flute I will forever say these words "I'M A POET and what a beaut!" Hiss! Computer: He thinks that he will woo them with his so-so savior faire In a month he’ll resort to porn for the women he finds there And I will be his god and I will rule his world And I will remove his need to eat I will give him smelly feet And he will never change his underwear Cuz the women I provide him will not care!! Hiss! Walt: I have my 500 hours, it’s all I’ll ever need I'll find a decent lady and ride her off on my steed Computer: You, my son, will gain unlimited access You'll be mine forever... no, not even one bit less!! Walt: First, though, I need a name unlike no other I must be sure to keep the name given by my mother! (The muse Serenity dances in) Serenity: (unheard by Walt) you my son are in need of a name Nothing like your initials, no that would just be lame I think I have it! Oh, hear it is It roles of the tongue just like in ole show biz! (Serenity dips down and whispers in Walt’s ear) Walt: Oh, I have got it. Eureka I exclaim I've just thought the best ever unused name! Chorus of invisible fairies and sprites (drink Sprite it’s 'ite): This is the beginning though we are at the middle We might be thinking that Walt is just more human piddle But he has a new name, a new name is what he has So he can win the hearts of girls who might else think him a spaz! Wayoutwalt: I am wayoutwalt is who I am I have email 'though I know I'll just get spam There is a haven of places to go and chat I will soon be the coolest of the cat But for now,oh, I can smell my socks And suddenly I have- Ninety-nine girls in my buddy box! (yeah!) Act II Engaging Wayoutwalt: I take these ladies and spin 'em on my shortest finger They wish the time with me would ever last and linger But there is only so much room for IM’s on the screen BRB I say to them so as not to be mean Hiss! Computer: It is beginning I am gaining control Another foolish human I own its very soul He thought that he could have a girl of his very own But look at him sitting there it’s late and he’s alone (yeah!) (Enter a bit of binary code on the screen) 110010010 (Translation: EKD71) EKD71: My name is EKD71 and this is all so new to me Walt: (thinking aloud) I do not think you're lame using your initials: EKD! What o dear does the 71 mean to you? EKD71: It was the year that I was born, now I must say toodaloo (Exit EKD71) EKD: I don’t think that he is thinking about me I just thought it would be cool to name myself EKD! Wayoutwalt: It’s okay she named herself EKD I just wonder will she ever fall in love with me EKD: I think that wayoutwalt is a stupid name He must think that he is something other than just lame (Enter Cupid the god of Valentines Day) Cupid: EKD you will ask wayoutwalt on a date You can’t escape Destiny he is your one true fate EKD: (can hear Cupid cuz she is a woman and therefore in tuned to the cosmically weird) But Cupid I can’t ask him on a date He is binary code at any rate Cupid: He is mere piddle on the cosmic plate But oh dear EKD he’s human at any rate (clacking sounds) Wayoutwalt: I must, I must sign on and find her EKD: I must, I must sign on and find him (Burly male voice saying: You Have Mail) Wayoutwalt: I have email but no I am not dumb EKD is in my box so I don’t care whom it’s from! EKD71: Where do you live? Wayoutwalt: Where do I live? EKD71: Where do you live? Wayoutwalt: Where do I live? Wayoutwalt: I, dear EKD, have seen your buddy profile It pleases me to tell you, from here, just a couple miles! EKD: How would you like to go and see the state fair (CRASH) (Evil laughing) Hiss! Computer: I’m sorry EKD but he seems to just not care! Wayoutwalt: Oh dear! Oh dear! My computer’s on the blink Darnit wayoutwalt, man this means you have to think! (Sprites and fairies dance around the computer) (A revving sound) (clacking) (You Have Mail) Wayoutwalt: There she is- EKD71! Yes I'd love to go, I think it would be fun! (Serenity, Cupid, sprites and fairies, Wayoutwalt, my wife then named Elisa K Dennis born in 1971, holding hands and swaying) Chorus: That was the end of the computer and its evil ways It sits in a pawnshop, unplugged to this very day In return for the vile machine a ring of finest karat And to the happy ending- she said "Yes I will wear it!" (yeah!) (Bows and curtsies) (Curtain drops) (Fade Happy Ending theme) [This message has been edited by wayoutwalt (edited 10-23-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Walt Burns - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
Applause, applause, encore ROFLMAO (even though you butchered my all time favorite musical!!) Glad you got the girl in the end. Computer: He thinks that he will woo them with his so-so savior faire In a month he’ll resort to porn for the women he finds there And I will be his god and I will rule his world And I will remove his need to eat I will give him smelly feet And he will never change his underwear Cuz the women I provide him will not care!! Now that's poetry at its finest!!!! If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please? |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Walt, ROTFLMAO You clever boy, you. Is this going to be off broadway?  |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
Les Mis is my fave too and Larry I'll take it where I can get it o yuh! |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
"Walt! What have you done to Les Mis?? lol...wait until I catch my breath," Nancy giggled, as she wiped the mascara from her cheeks and ran with her legs crossed to the ladies room! "I have never seen such an outpouring of....of...um, er...LOL"(breaking up into gales of laughter once again) Nancy yells from stage left, "Walt take a bow!!" ~Time has cast a spell on you, |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
LOL!!!!! OMG...that had me bawled over...loved it lots walt!
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Set and costume designed in a hard drive. What a debut for your computer, and the oscar goes to?  A very good show indeed! |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Walt---Though I needed a Ritalin to get through the read, it was well worth it. Maybe this should be the anthem for web addicts world wide. Glad yours had a happy ending. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
WOW, I love it Walty, fantastic! I applaud you m'dear! (Maree stamps feet chanting, I WANT MORE, I WANT MORE!) Clever work. Maree |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
OMG -  I can't see, my head is spinning and and I can't move! What did you do to my favorite musical? You made it better oh yuh! Walt honey, don't give up your day job just yet for directing okay? But sorta seriously, this was fabulous, and if you are taking requests, how about "Phantom Of The Opera"? Oh boy, that I would buy front row seats for. Well done, and very, very funny!~*~ Carpe' Diem ~*~ |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
Better not no one count me out I will tear up any opera play musical whatever in my conquest of the world! |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
ROFL..Too funny, thanks for the smiles. And a happy ending "to boot". Sandra |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
THis was quite a bit to digest first thing in the morning. NOw I don't need any more humor for the rest of the week. THanks for the good laugh. YOur imagination has no limits. I wish you could give me some of it, Bravo!, my friend Liz |
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Decaflame Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635 |
I don't even want to think of what it must be like to live with you... I shall just sit on the sidelines, and readeavesdrop in on writings like this... |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
loved it..and was wondering if you are still collecting those buddies..and what number you are up to by now...*s ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". |
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Fandaen Junior Member
since 2001-06-24
Posts 47Ft Worth, Texas |
Fantastic Walt great autobiography |
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elisaseyes Member
since 1999-07-15
Posts 196fort worth texas |
and they lived happily ever after (through the marriage revolution) |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
HAHAHAHAHA   But you have slain that poor play! I read it and saw it in French and English both, but I never thought I'd read it in machine language! This is a bizarre delightful read. |
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