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Open Poetry #15

mother earth

**lost**
Junior Member

since 2001-07-16

Posts 32
ma

0 posted 2001-07-20 04:01 PM

mother earth

she took my stars,
and hid my moon.
asphyxiated the sun,
made it rain down ice instead.
she left deserted,
she left my alone,
to exist on a war torn earth,
life slowly dying,
beneath the knife torn, weeping skies,
blood rains down on me,
drowning me in a sea of nature's tears.

confused among strangers,
lost amongst myself.
**lost**

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

1 posted 2001-07-20 04:02 PM

hmmm... graphic images..and nice wordplay.. but in honesty.. the last two lines lost me..

But hey... no one said I was smart.. and it is probably just me

MARK V SHELDON
Member Elite

since 2001-06-21

Posts 3015
In a corporeal internship...

2 posted 2001-07-21 11:09 AM

Vividly apocalyptic... fatalistically realistic, at the rate humanity is proceeding... but, I question "Mother Earth" doing these things, per-se... I can see this being as her "punishment" to man, but truly, it would be man who caused these things to happen...

-MVS

"When you tell the Truth, you never have to remember what you just said."
--Del Casher

Great Below
Junior Member

since 2001-07-17

Posts 13
Massachusetts, USA

3 posted 2001-07-22 05:05 PM

I love this poem especially that last 2 lines that really hit him with a great impact. The picture of blood raining down on someone as small and helpless as one single person and drowing them in the tragedy of the world is such a powerful ending. The build up to this final blow is also well done, my favorite line is "asphyxiated the sun", because the useage of that word is sheer genius in that instance. I absolutely love this poem, keep writing and expressing your spirit to the fullest Joline.

rwood
Member Elite

since 2000-02-29

Posts 3793
Tennessee

4 posted 2001-07-22 05:36 PM

Surely she weeps, even in destruction. Could be anger that we deserve in the misdst of our nature and how we have disregarded her.
Very thought provoking. Nicely done.
Sincerely,
Rwood

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