Twenty or Less...#10 - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

MARK V SHELDON
Member Elite

since 2001-06-21

Posts 3015
In a corporeal internship...

0 posted 2001-07-19 04:28 PM

Cloaking
Muffled tones
Of
melancholy desire

Vague
Distorted shrills
Of camouflaged
Love

Becoming still
And
Silent

The familiar
Darkness
Remains

(Copyright 2001 by: MARK V SHELDON)

"When you tell the Truth, you never have to remember what you just said."
--Del Casher

shadow974
Senior Member

since 2001-06-21

Posts 636
Michigan

1 posted 2001-07-19 04:36 PM

Very moving Mark, even if the lights were on they would probably be in the dark. Two ships passing in the night. Enjoyed.

Do not fear going forward slowly,
Fear only standing still.

Mishtheelf
Member

since 2001-07-10

Posts 68

2 posted 2001-07-19 04:53 PM

It's hard to imagine how any one person can capture various perspectives thoroughly enough to communicate them well. Yet I find myself miraculously able to relate to this work, among the various others of yours I have read. Impressive.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

3 posted 2001-07-19 04:53 PM

I like this Mark.. nice play on form and image.
Hope you don't mind... is so I apologize now, but here is my edit:
Cloaking tones
Of Muffled
melancholy desire

Vaguely
camouflage
Distortions
of Love

Become
still
And
Silent

The familiar
Darkness
Shrilly
Remains

Again hope you don't mind....

I truly have enjoyed this experiment of yours... been my pleasure to read and contemplate.

MARK V SHELDON
Member Elite

since 2001-06-21

Posts 3015
In a corporeal internship...

4 posted 2001-07-19 04:53 PM

Thanks Dan... I like the image of your interpretation -- "Two ships passing in the night"... a powerful rendering.

-MVS

"When you tell the Truth, you never have to remember what you just said."
--Del Casher

MARK V SHELDON
Member Elite

since 2001-06-21

Posts 3015
In a corporeal internship...

5 posted 2001-07-19 05:02 PM

Thank you, most sincerely, Mishtheelf. It is a warm feeling of content when learning of someone resonating with my words, and I am pleased that you have found some from which you can derive some subjective value. Thanks for your reads and comments.

Ron, I don't mind your edit at all! Even though I wouldn't write it that way because of the shift in emphasis, I am always fascinated with a fresh point of view which, in its own way, always ripples my mind, even if subconciously. It's been my pleasure, actually, to go fishing with fresh verbal bait and appreciate my catch of all your folks' responses!

-MVS

"When you tell the Truth, you never have to remember what you just said."
--Del Casher

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

6 posted 2001-07-19 05:05 PM

(smiling)
No I know you wouldn't have written it that way... and yes it shifts the emphasis into another direction, yet...it is basically the same words. Interesting how carefully you have to place words..

catalinamoon

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-03

Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone

7 posted 2001-07-19 07:18 PM

Feeling this one more than some. It has a way of grabbing you into it. And I so relate to melancholy desire.
Sandra

MARK V SHELDON
Member Elite

since 2001-06-21

Posts 3015
In a corporeal internship...

8 posted 2001-07-19 07:24 PM

Thanks, Sandra... this one is heavier and deeper.

-MVS

"When you tell the Truth, you never have to remember what you just said."
--Del Casher

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.