Why me? Beware of Intensity!!!!!!

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Lisann
Member

since 2001-01-31

Posts 350

0 posted 2001-08-29 12:44 PM

I am 4
Daddy you are hurting me.
You touch me in ways that I don't understand.
Are all daddies this way?
Do my friends daddy's touch them?
"DOn't tell---trust me--this is right--Mom will blame you"
I abhor his closeness.
I hate you daddy-----GO AWAY!!!!

I am 6
Why doesn't anybody stop him?
Don't they hear?
Everyone must know.....
Isn't it written on my forehead...
"Don't tell~~~~~~you are to blame."

I am 8
If I don't breathe when he comes in my room
I will be invisible
And then the pain will cease.
Go away you *******---
Just go away.

Oh god he is gone.
They took me away.
Are you punishing me?
Why are you taking me away from him?
Is it because of the secret?
Am I that powerful?
to wish him to go away?
I am only 9
Please God bring me back to him.

Mom says---"don't cry"
So, -----I hide.
I will not feel this pain
I have been taught well.
SILENCE.

I am 16
If time heals all wounds
Then why do I bleed-------
STILL?

I come to this place
It is warm,
It is safe,
Hands are reaching out to help me
LET GO
TRUST
FEEL
TALK.
We will carry part of the burden now.

Hold me.
Rock me.
Don't let me go.
I am afraid.
I will die if I tell.
Why do I feel 4?

To talk,
To breathe,
Let the pain and fear subside.
Write about it,
cry about it
scream about it,
talk about it.
Grieve for the lost childhood.

I am 18
I am angry
I feel.
I trust
I am no longer a secret
But---------
WHO AM I?

cpalmer
Senior Member

since 2001-06-26

Posts 977
Phoenix, Az

1 posted 2001-08-29 12:50 PM

You are someone who has been hurt badly...writing it so good, I am glad to see you doing it...Gentle hug my friend
Cindi

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

2 posted 2001-08-29 05:36 AM

This is a nice expression of your feelings and experiences...James

illusion
Member

since 2001-06-19

Posts 296

3 posted 2001-08-29 08:55 AM

This is intense, it's written well, and it's heartbreaking - and I'm as filled with anger as I am sorrow. Who are you? You are a survivor taking back your life - and your voice is heard.

MyEnchanted_Melody
Senior Member

since 2001-05-30

Posts 1106
across the land of dreams. In your heart, I'd always be.

4 posted 2001-08-29 10:36 AM

A very powerful and touching write.....

I felt the pain all too clearly that I myself feel it and feel angry as well......

Thank you.....
****************************

"Oh...me!Oh Life!
Of the questions of these recurring..........
Of myself forever reproaching myself,
for who more foolish than I......"
~Whitman~

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

5 posted 2001-08-29 11:21 AM

Lisann,
You are the wonder of a star
And will go very far. Powerful write.

Lisann
Member

since 2001-01-31

Posts 350

6 posted 2001-08-29 01:43 PM

Thank you everyone for your replies.  There is one little note I forgot to add.  This was written several---o.k. more than several years ago.( I just turned 30).  I wrote it when I was 18.
  My life now,  well,  I am still struggling with flashbacks and am currently going through a trial( I've pressed charges against my foster parents---FINALLY) but I am also married, with a daughter who will be 5 tomorrow and I have a special angel by my side---my most dearest and closest friend~~~~~My soul sister Jane.
  So----I am a much stronger person than I had ever known.
  Thank you for reading, replying and for your support in my healing.

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

7 posted 2001-08-29 06:57 PM

we are always stronger than we think. . . this is the gift that is given to us. . . the gift of that strength. . . and, if we accept it, we will amaze and astound everyone who comes into contact with us. . .

I believe that this should be shown to anyone who is going through this right now. . . to show them that they are not alone. . .

well done my friend. . . we are with you. . .

--------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

8 posted 2001-08-29 08:07 PM

Lisann, I applaud you for coming forward with your story. Perhaps it will be of help to others in the same situation. Bravo for taking a stand against what happened to you. Just remember...it's never to late to have a happy childhood.
Hugs, Nancy Lee.

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain~

Lisann
Member

since 2001-01-31

Posts 350

9 posted 2001-08-29 10:15 PM

Thank you for your replies Sven and Enchantress. It is funny that you should make a comment like------"It is never too late to have a happy childhood" because guess what I do for a living? I am the manager of a daycare facility. So----for the first time in my life I actually get to Play like a "normal child". The great thing about it is that I can act like a 4 year old and nobody questions it.

Lisann
Member

since 2001-01-31

Posts 350

10 posted 2001-09-03 11:28 PM

Sorry----this is a selfish reason for a reply. I just wanted my replies to hit double digits.

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