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Open Poetry #15
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haiku?????? First try!!!!
| Open Poetry #15 |
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haiku?????? First try!!!! |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia 
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At peace upon the earth She gives her wonders, beauty, life The soul and earth, one |
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| © Copyright 2001 Rick Van Weenen - All Rights Reserved | |||
Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
Rick...Haiku Lesson number one: 5-7-5...each number indicates the count of syllable.... second: Haiku is NATURE only... third: Senryu involves PEOPLE... a "revision" would be something like: At peace upon earth all her wonders, beauty, life The soul and earth, one A Marvelous First Attempt! |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
Thank you dear Lady in White, I still do not really understand, but I am sure it will come to me with time. Looking forward to more lessons. Rick |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
yep, Rick, you'll get the count each vowel sound is a syllable the dictionary can help with the count as far as keeping a haiku strictly nature and concrete...not abstract, no metaphors, personification or similes, that's the difficult part (for me) I only learned last year that there's such a thing as a senyru...every haiku wannabe that has the count right, but doesn't fit inside the other parameters is a senyru but then, every time I write a haiku, anymore, there is someone that says, no, not quite ah me, alas |
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RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
I feel we could all benefit if this were moved to the discussion area. I recently acquired a well thought of book on both haiku and senryu and see that something is lost in the translation between the very very different languages of japanese and english. While I've adhered to the 5-7-5 format many published poets do not. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
I don't think Onjis and syllables are equal. Strictly speaking, if you want it to be a Haiku, it should probably be written in Japanese, not English. Not being a pure purist, I often write American style Haikus that may really be Senryus. Few seem to know the difference, as I'm seeing lots of posts in the 5-7-5 framework that don't fit the "original" standards of Haiku. I enjoyed this poem. |
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BloomingRose Member Elite
since 2000-08-09
Posts 3092Florida |
I know it's know exactly correct, but I still love it! Deb |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
Beatiful first attempt... http://myweb.wwa.com/~rgs/gl-h.html at this url you can find information about these wonderful forms. Keep on writing. Charisma |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
First of all, it's a beautiful write. There are several forms of haiku and there is a difference between the English and Japanese haikus. The most common one used is the 5-7-5 however. Titia A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess... |
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rwood Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793Tennessee |
Mother Nature loves you! A beautiful first attempt. I don't really know anything, still learning. But the verse is so lovely.  Sincerely, Regina |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
not a bad attempt...you should have witnessed my first haiku... |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Whatever it's called, it sounds pretty nice to me. I didn't know senru vs haiku either.. LOL I always want to say "Bless You" when someone says HAIKU I'm just a love poet anyway, me and nature are only compatible if the right guy is invloved..Sandra |
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Voiceless Senior Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 686Under the stars upon the wind |
(I liked it!!) This is really beautiful, and even though it isn't the exact form, the thought behind was brilliant and I can't wait to read your next one! Freedom is not Free (Korean War memorial) |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Hey Rick! At least you gave it a try and it was a very good attempt. I thank Lady in White myself because there was some things that I didn't realize either! Have a nice day! |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
I would like to thank you all my friends for reading and replying to my work. Not easy to try something new, but I love the challenge. I will keep on trying, be it true or not the idea of the simplicity is great. Thank you again, all of you. Rick |
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