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Open Poetry #15
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Torrential Hollow
| Open Poetry #15 |
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Torrential Hollow |
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snowpants Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061KS |
what’s going on here...the forecast called for rain! that is why I lifted my sob-stained face to the sky-- I needed to blend the rainwater with my teardrops to hide the pain of this space... someone please blow the clouds this way-- I need to fall apart, but the storm’s exposed ceiling is no disguise for this ache... I can’t accept the invitation of nightly gazes on the sand-- I’d only drive myself insane wishing you could help me to distinguish the planets from stars... I’d look out the window at the dangling moon, but it would only support this dominating desire for the chance to maintain your smile... I’m breathing the air of unsettled dust and taking in the scenery of hazy maybes; I would, indeed, want to be here now if only my flare from the shadows could guide you closer... I see the overcast...but all it does is intimidate... I suffer the gusts...but they only thrive in defeating me and blowing out my candle’s flame... so, tell me, where is the downpour of which they’ve assured us? -kh can I see my world without you in it? |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
lovely writing..and images... palpable feel to this..alive with the emotions...sad and longing... nice work |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I can’t accept the invitation of nightly gazes on the sand-- I’d only drive myself insane wishing you could help me to distinguish the planets from stars... I’d look out the window at the dangling moon, but it would only support this dominating desire for the chance to maintain your smile... =============================== I would, indeed, want to be here now if only my flare from the shadows could guide you closer... I see the overcast...but all it does is intimidate... I suffer the gusts...but they only thrive in defeating me and blowing out my candle’s flame... so, tell me, where is the downpour of which they’ve assured us? ============================ this is a bit different style than we usually see from you...but Im digging the exploration  lots of longing and self discovery here SP... and the use of elemental comparisons to define the ache worked perfectly... as well as the metaphor of the rain to purge and heal. cool writing Kris... Feels like Im dancin with truth and wisdom |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
My sweet, you need only look as far as your heart to find me with you 24-7-356. I know this feeling well and I find myself gazing towards the horizon wishing I could lasso the state of New Jersey and pull you to within arms reach. Just remember each day of responsibility that we put behind us brings us closer to that day where our responsibilities will be combined. This is a very powerful piece of poetry and it reaches the depth of vision that you always find so easily. I love you and cherish you and yearn for that day where we walk together forever. I have found in you ... a reflection of me ... |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
someone please blow the clouds this way-- I need to fall apart... Loved this line, the feeling of longing is so real. |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
The weather man may not be able to get it right but I predict you are about to be bumped.  Now then, how is that for accurate reporting? Had to come back and read this again as it really sparks.......well, you know and besides, if you turn me loose in the forums with a bunch of poetry then you never ever know what I will do. LOL Love ya, love this, and love the power to bump at will.  |
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snowpants Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061KS |
Cpat Hair: thank you, my friend...I appreciate your kind reply! J: yeah, it is different, isn't it? what the heck is up with that?  hmm...I seem to be doing that a lot lately, huh?  but, thanks, girlie, for your compliments...I 'preciate ya!  M: hey baby...you always know the right thing to say, don't you??  thank you, sweets, for your wonderful reply, as always...  Duncan: thank you...I'm glad you liked this! M (again): well, it MUST be that Aquarian insight, huh? hehe...  ...you know I love ya, babes...thank you again for the read...hmmm...I think we'll have to keep an eye on you, then, won't we?? You just NEVER know what could happen, now do we??  sp  can I see my world without you in it? |
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