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Open Poetry #15

Together In Time

bslicker

Member Elite

since 2000-12-04

Posts 2321
state of mind

0 posted 2001-08-10 04:46 PM

Together In Time

Together in time, seems so very long
ages of pages and doing all wrong.

Changing the present from history past
learning the process, doesn’t come fast.

Embarked to be a beat in your heart
there you’ve been, from the very start.

A smile a day keeps the world in smile's.
Bernie Slicker

[This message has been edited by bslicker (edited 08-11-2001).]

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

1 posted 2001-08-10 06:44 PM

enjoyed your words......just a hint to make it smoother..maybe add "very start" to your last line to give it a bit more syllables to match your other lines...just a suggestion
*s

~Wynter

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

catalinamoon

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-03

Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone

2 posted 2001-08-10 08:47 PM

Much enjoyed. I like the theme here, and nicely done.
Sandra

rwood
Member Elite

since 2000-02-29

Posts 3793
Tennessee

3 posted 2001-08-11 10:25 AM

I commend the trying! That's the essence. Great verse! I hope you win that beat!
Sincerely,
Regina

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

4 posted 2001-08-23 12:07 PM

bslicker-
   Lovely thoughts you've penned here.
   Much enjoyed.

   hugs,
   ~vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his
heart, you have not truely met the poet."
-vlraynes

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

5 posted 2001-08-23 12:43 PM

lovely idea...to be in the beat of someone's heart

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