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CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA

0 posted 2001-08-16 12:40 PM

Hey. This is the first one I have written like this... I just started writing, and this is what came out. I've tried some new things to write about and some new styles lately, so I tried this style. A lot darker then my normal stuff. Let me know what you think.

MIND

Alone
Not another soul is here
Only me

Cold
The air around is frozen
See my breath

Damp
Moisture in the air clings
Dripping inside of me

Lost
Don't know my own way out
Please help me

Trapped
This place seems to be locked
My mind

      - Cody -

Note To Self:  If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

1 posted 2001-08-16 12:01 PM

This is very cool. I liked it. I think you did excellent with this style.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

DarkAngelOfTheStars
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 255

2 posted 2001-08-16 06:52 PM

yeah i also thought this was very cool....nice job

i really liked it

You know you 've completely descended into madness when the matter of shampoo has ascended to philosophical heights

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

3 posted 2001-08-17 06:02 AM

Nice piece Cody. You should try writing this way more often. It is simple expression that conveys a million different feelings. Some of the lines I really connected with. In particular the last ones. Curse those minds, eh?
"Trapped
This place seems to be locked
My mind"

Very good. Hope to see more like this one. Remember to reply.

~AF~

I'm a little teapot, short and stout! Here is my handle, here is my spout. *toot toot*

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

4 posted 2001-08-18 04:25 AM

Cool poem I really like it keep up the awsome work.
Lauren

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-08-20 11:51 PM

very creative writing style. Something I haven't seen from you. I agree withe EJ.. you should really try writing this way more often! Nice work, Cody.

--Marie

If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

6 posted 2001-08-21 12:31 PM

oh oh oh!! cody i LOVED the format! ilove playing around with syllables and changing format and all that..i thought that this one was a pretty good example of really how creative you can be when it comes to poetry...good write! thanks for sharing!

"Kiss my Starfish!
My chocolate Starfish punk!"
-'Hot dog'
Limp Bizket

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2001-08-29 01:40 PM

Yea I've written poems that are very much like this one. Kinda helpless in the sense that yer mind is locked and you really don't know how to work the mesh of troublesome thoughts out so you can be free. Good luck on that. Well done here.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

ericaisamonkey
Member

since 2002-04-04

Posts 51
A little town north of nowhere

8 posted 2002-04-05 04:09 AM

WOW cody, you really know how to write a "mean" poem. no pun intended on that one. keep it real

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