Teen Poetry #5 |
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Empty Distance |
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ryun Junior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 33elsinore, ca, usa |
Sitting gazing off at the views yet somethings missing I start feeling confused What are these feelings, emotions no conclusions coming to... in all it's bliss perfect situations not a twist we stand with our fist bounded by passion in my perfect emptyness kaotic thoughts and the part of me that never quits never stoping Im in the midst of emotionals colapse the distance so far my heart can't grasp holding onto the few dreams i catch...... i am the man that speaks without breath speaking from my heart... with an awakaning caress... |
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Poet Unknown Member
since 2001-08-14
Posts 140Missouri |
awesome poem Only darkness falls on those without souls |
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Fading Away![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I liked the ending.. the last four lines were my fav. This piece isn't my fav by you. I liked the title, and the content is well done. I just think there's something missing here, and I can't quite put my finger on it.. hrm. Nicely done just the same. I look forward to your next, so keep posting your poetry. --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
ryun- This is very good! You've done a wonderful job of expressing these thoughts. Much enjoyed! ![]() *smiles* ~vicky "...a heartbeat in every syllable..." |
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punkrockerrobin![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
i agree the endin was what gave the poem a kick. robin i don't give up without a fight so boys beware! |
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Dopey Dope![]()
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked the poem very much! Well done! ![]() I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Delirious_Smurf Member
since 2001-08-08
Posts 90Nothingness,P.R. |
I liked this a whole bunch. It was really cool and I too agree the ending rocked soo much ![]() Who you are and who you will be is right in the palm of your hand. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
ooooooooooooh loving this poem right here! very well done on this one ryun!! ![]() "Somehow I managed to single handedly betray myself" Javier Agosto |
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xShUgArHiGhx![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
"kaotic thoughts and the part of me that never quits never stoping" I can definately relate to the stanza i put above...this was a great piece!! Enjoyed it a lot..I really like how your poems flow so nicely and freely...good job and keep it up! |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
I as well loved the last lil stanza... Nice lil flow ya had going here. United we stand, Divided we fall. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Great piece. The last few lines weren't my fave, these were. "Im in the midst of emotionals colapse the distance so far my heart can't grasp holding onto the few dreams i catch......" Emotionals collapse is a good way to describe a lot of lives. Well done. ~AF~ "Who needs enemies, |
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Chel Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 511Baltimore, MD, USA |
great piece, keep up the great work. Chel "True friends stab you in the front." |
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