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paladin

Senior Member

since 2001-08-05

Posts 930
Pensacola,Fl.

0 posted 2001-08-13 01:42 PM

Dull sullen faced boys
with baggy pants.
Sit in a yard filled with trash.
Listening to a boom box
blaring rap chants.
Selling crack rocks
for spending cash.
They will not mature.
Why should they bother.
No good male models
for them to learn from.
Their future is bleak.
They live off their mothers.
No earthly use to society.
Welfare is her only income.
What a waste.
Who's to blame?
Humanitys problem.
Does it have a name?
Indifferance,uncaring.
Doomed to their fate.
We better do something
before It's to late.

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

1 posted 2001-08-13 01:48 PM

Do you write your poems about your life? Or the image you see of people, created around you? Rap doesn't necessarily lead to drugs. Drugs don't necessarily lead to poverty. Poverty doesn't necsessarily lead to Welfare. Correct me if I'm wrong. Anyways, it was a great poem about real life situations, but it sounds sort of one sided to me. What about the people who listen to rap but don't do drugs? Anyways, I have a really weird opinion, so don't mind me.

Someone once taught me that it doesn't matter what other people think of you as long as you like yourself. That's what I live by.

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

2 posted 2001-08-13 04:13 PM

I liked this poem. It's very real to life. I kinda got the same vibe as Allysa. I'm hoping it's from a more personal standpoint than a general standpoint. Because if it is, it seems like you are using alot of stereotypes and generalizations about life. No matter if I agree with them or not, I really enjoy poems about serious,real life issues, so I enjoyed reading this.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

3 posted 2001-08-14 04:14 PM

The last piece I read and this one touch on the same time. Indifference... Ignorance... Heavy topics. These are things that are even hard to write about. There can be a big discussion about this one! Personally, in this situation, I don't think humanity is to blame. I think it's more simple than that... I know that parents can't keep their children from everything, but parents are to blame as well. In most cases, the living situation has something to do with it.
I enjoyed this poem... these are deep ideas that you have, and you're bringing up. I like that... as Carly said earlier.. Mind candy! Hehe. Nicely done.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

4 posted 2001-08-15 06:15 PM

Yep I agree with the other 3.

Like Allysa said... I too find this to be a generalization. It's like saying all Southerners are Rednecks. (Though most are..haha, not ALL are.) This is a way can be interpreted that way. All people on welfare sell crack, or in others words, all people on welfare are just a drain on society. Not everyone is like that. And like Marie said- I agree- It's the parents fault mostly. As for the poem though itself. I thought you did a good job describing and getting across yoru point. Very well done.

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

LoneWolf
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 384
IL

5 posted 2001-08-15 08:57 PM

i liked thsi a lot , i thought that the message in it was good. good job here

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
I've learned that even when you th

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

6 posted 2001-08-18 12:07 PM

hey this piece was pretty good. i laughed a little because it seems to have a few sterotypes. lots of succesful people were poor as children. also not all poor people sell drugs. hell if they sold drugs they wouldn't be poor anymore! lol sorry i'm in a weird mood....good post though. until ur next piece..
-fear-

i'm a penguin! i'm a penguin! i'm a cute lil penguiiiin! i'm a penguin i'm a penguin! i eat FISH!--tis the pretty penguin song

fozzyozzy
Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

7 posted 2001-08-18 12:33 PM

This hit me because I've been reading some other poems about society and so this caught my eye. I really like the format you used here. Good good job.

"and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

8 posted 2001-08-26 04:17 PM

Well done here. I think you put out a good message. I enjoyed this one.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

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