Teen Poetry #5 |
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GIve up all in denial. |
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Hallucination Member
since 2001-03-18
Posts 419 |
Love is captured within heartaches That will keep you blind Till you think it’s a mistake Think that you told a lie. Emotions ain’t to be played with It will make you cry Feeling you’re about to give Up all in denial. It has been taking for granted Everything you gave away All your love’s been abandoned Like night curses day. Spiritual rushes played sensitive Digging for lies Feeling you’re about to give Up all in denial. I know there’s nothing, I can say or do, That can make you, Feel much better, But you deserve more, than a whatever. I confess there’s more, To it than that, Irony plays it’s part, Along the way, So words ain’t, Always what they say. Feeling you’re about to give Up all in denial. |
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© Copyright 2001 Brian Eggertsen - All Rights Reserved | |||
Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
This was very good work. there was alot of emotion. Regina |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Man these forums move too fast. How did this get to the second page already? Not my fav of your work- but I still liked it bunches. The only thing I'm gonna shake my finger to is this line.. "Emotions ain’t to be played with" Don't say ain't!!!! Say aren't. Other than that..haha I enjoyed it. Very well done. ![]() |
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Fading Away![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This was wonderful! The opening was my favorite part... "Love is captured within heartaches That will keep you blind Till you think it’s a mistake Think that you told a lie." Love is very blind. I agree with this 100%. The ending was just as strong... the whole poem was well written! WONDERFUL work, hallu. I enjoyed this a lot. --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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Dopey Dope![]()
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I enjoyed this but disagree that all love is blind. I don't think that everything is blind. Anyhow, nicely done. ![]() I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Shygirl82 Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245Ilinois |
I thought this was great. It was full of emotion, and beautifully written. I have to agree with Dopey...I do not believe that all love is blind. I thought this was great though and thanks for sharing!!! ~Nikki~ |
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Hellseyes Member
since 2001-07-25
Posts 120Kansas, USA |
thats good sh!t...do you see them in the bushes, red team go, red team go.../Drew/ |
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Acies![]()
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
amazing read. you did well Hallucination. keep it up amd keep sharing thanks for the read hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Allysa, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Ma |
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LoneWolf Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384IL |
I liked this a lot. great job here. It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that. |
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