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Revelation to december
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Revelation to december |
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sean mani Junior Member
since 2001-08-06
Posts 27 |
Revelation To December If I was afraid of anything in this world, It would have been this fate predestined to me. I have prayed to Him many a time to spare me from this revelation, But it seems my words are merely forgotten. These tears falling down my eyes… I am lost in life and find it difficult to breathe. Am I a fool to wander hopelessly for meaning? I lye down with emptiness within, In this cold place with tears wiping these reminisces I have of my past… All the times when I felt insecure, my parents Hit me till I ran and locked the door. What a waste when I begged for mercy, only to have ended in more violence.. As I am retarded, I have been discarded. Why am I locked up in this dismal place you ask? Because I fell in love with my only friend. Aloof from society, day by day We only loved each other a little too more. We always laughed, as mad people were alike We always hugged, as mad people were alike We always cried, as we were all alike. I still wait in this sweet December awaiting her return… How many times have I begged please? No one answered me. Am I doomed to spend here for eternity? I have sometimes cried and laughed out of madness. Other days passed when I ate no food. They sometimes tied me in chains in this cold solitude place. Out of hysteria I sometimes hid in corners Only to be played by the callous wardens. I bled, bled and bled, My limbs twitching with pain. With this blood I painted the walls How much I have cried in and for December… Was fate jealous of us? Every night I cried in her arms I slept in her lap. Everything I could have, Was from her. One day, this was all gone. My mind filled with love and yet pain, It was all yet too much to bear. My parents hit me. Out of anger, fright, And paranoia, I retaliated. I hit the womb That gave birth to me. As I am mad, I was hit, captured and thrown Into a rehabilitation center. My love grabbed my hands. She cried with tears. I screamed back. She attacked the people in white. I grabbed my hair out of anger. I spread my hands To not let go the one person who I loved. I was being torn away from her. I struggled, struggled and struggled to get lose. She was dragged away from me. I cried, screamed and fell unconscious. The only words I remember before I fell Was that she would see me in December… Now as I lay dying waiting for many a December, The only thing she had forgotten to mention was when… By Sean (i hope that all of you who read this poem understand that even the mad can fall in love...and if u liked this poem a lot...i am writin part 2 called 'december's demise' it will probably come out in 3 months cuz thats how long it takes me to write my poems...' meanwhile if yall wanna read more of mine...read 'september 29') cya |
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| © Copyright 2001 sean mani - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
OOOoooo This was quite interesting. I liked it. I can't even explain what I'm thinking ( Like thats anything new...) I can't wait for the second one...the continuation. Should be damn good! HeHe... So until then- I'm off. WONDERFUL write though. Very captivating! You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I did like this. It was, like Spice said, very captivating. I thought this was quite originally written. well done.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
wow...you should write full stories.....this is wild.....I liked it very much  |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
I've always thought the best poems were poems like this one...just all-out flowing of emotion...I enjoyed this sooo much, its a nice break from the typical. You've got somebody's respect ~Carly Speak softly and carry a beagle. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
 forgot to click the lil library box |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
this is awesome... just plain awesome |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
You're such an awesome writer! I am really enjoying reading your pieces. This poem drew me in right away. I REALLY enjoyed this. Going stright to the library! Wowsers.. very well written. I cant wait to see more from you soon! --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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Delirious_Smurf Member
since 2001-08-08
Posts 90Nothingness,P.R. |
*In awe* Wow...That was amazing I absolutely loved it..I'll def be looking forward to part II....but I gotta say it again that this was awesome  Who you are and who you will be is right in the palm of your hand. |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
This is a really good piece Sean, keep up the good work |
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holatuwol Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72California, USA |
I have to say is that throughout the poem, up until the incident with the guys in white, I continually compared this to Edgar Allan Poe's "Anabelle Lee" or however the girl's name is spelled since I've read so many different versions of the poem I'm not sure how her name is spelled since they actually change it every time I read it for some unknown psychotic reason. ^_^; The structure and the events replayed are very much the same... and the resemblances are quite striking, in my opinion. With that image in mind, the poem flowed really well... I'm not sure how it flows on its own, but from other people's comments, it seems to flow well without the Poe similarities... ^_^ The ending lines seemed very Poe-ish with a tragic dark twisting tone and the whole idea of desperation that seems to be in many of Poe's literary works... at least the ones that I've read. This entire poem seems to give the impression that you're like an incarnation of Poe, just written in a modern style, and in a way that seems to touch a lot of people and entrance them and set them into the world of romance and dying love that you create. I loved the ending... it was actually marginally weaker in tone and more lacking in emotion than all of the lines previous, but it was empty... which left the reader kind of blinking slowly and thinking the poem ended poorly... but nevertheless, I thought the ending in of itself was pretty in that it was empty and ironic. However, you might want to lead up to it a little better... surprises still need minor foreshadow... this one seemed to lack it. ^_^ Overall, excellent piece. Once again, your resemblance to Poe's writing is amazing, and it seems to enhance your writing rather than hinder it. ^_^ Beautiful work on this one... it's a shame we'll have to wait *three months* for the next piece. ^_^ If you happen to write a little faster, feel free to share. Many of us will be willing to read it. ^_^v - holatuwol |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I agree, it was captivating. It may take you a while to write your poems, but they are wonderful in the end. I rather enjoyed your September poem because I hate the month of September. It;s a rather dislikeable month for me.  Someone once taught me that it doesn't matter what other people think of you as long as you like yourself. That's what I live by. |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I loved this poem. It was so full of emotion, and like Spice said"captivating" It kept me glued to the screen. I thought it was awesome.It's going in my library. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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