I am sorry Meg - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

samt
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 52
Brisbane

0 posted 2001-08-06 04:37 AM

I am so sorry my love
for my foolish mind
I am so sorry my love
you have left me behind

I am sorry my love
for not giving you space
I smothered you so much
it wasn't my place

I am sorry my love
for acting unnaturally
jealousy was eating at me
I thought things that weren't true
things that people said to be
I thought you were telling a lie

how I was so wrong
I want to curl up and die
o how it is always too late
my tears say a cry

[This message has been edited by samt (edited 08-07-2001).]

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

1 posted 2001-08-06 08:24 AM

Very sad how things like this happen. One qualm with your piece is that you started off with a rhyme scheme and that was really cool. You then trailed off in the last part and everything was all over the place. I found it distracting.

Thanks for sharing.

~AF~

"Why not light the candle in the dark tunnel while we head for the light at the end?" - Anonymous Albert to anonymousfemale

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

2 posted 2001-08-06 12:46 PM

I agree...It would make the piece alot more impacting if you had the rhyme throughout the whole piece instead of trailing off from it. A very nice write though...very easy to relate to. Such a bad situation though.

Dopey Dope