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Teen Poetry #5
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Last tear
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Last tear |
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Kaos Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 317between space and time 
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I’ve been forgotten within my own mind, The traces of me empty shimmers in time. I used to cry, cry bloody tears just to sleep, I used to feel pain wounds burned too deep! People said I was normal no problems they see, Well if I’m so normal, then why’d this happen to me? I use to be normal but when I met you I transcended felt better felt happy and new. I haven’t been normal since you broke me down, I haven’t been happy since you made me drown. Six months of forgetting all that I was, I understand but no one else does. I locked myself in my mind refusing to be, I made myself blind refusing to see. Spent such a long time, my mind locked up tight, Secretly silenced my last will to fight. You made me afraid to let people get near, It was for you I cried my last tear. btw- i wanted to thank everyone for the comments on my other 2 pieces...i really appreciate the nice comments nad i'm glad to be posting on the forum again.... " How can i feel if i can't breathe...?" |
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| © Copyright 2001 Michael Lentini - All Rights Reserved | |||
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
You have an incredible talent for poetry! I am amazed at your work, and how you are able to write such deep poetry. Again, your flow is nicely done here. Your rhyming scheme is done with care, and the last 2 lines in the poem (or was it 4?) really penetrated deep inside. You stayed well on topic with the title, and delivered yet another wonderful piece. Thank you for a most enjoyable read!  -Leah Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I REALLY like this... you are an amazing writer! Your words are so beautiful.. and descriptions so vivid. Wowswers.. this poem ROCKED! Keep sharing all your work with us.. I would want to miss the oppurtunity of reading one of your fine pieces. "I used to cry, cry bloody tears just to sleep, I used to feel pain wounds burned too deep!" Asolutely wonderfully done! --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
again awesome imagery.... I think I need to go to bed since my brain isn't thinking anymore..anyway this was really good. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
"I haven’t been normal since you broke me down, I haven’t been happy since you made me drown." I loved those lines. The whole poem was great- but those lines imparticular I REALLY liked. I know exactly what you're talking about here....God I hate feeling like this. You wrote this very well. I think I shall add it to my library as one of those.. "This person wrote me" pieces. hahaha.Thanks for the read. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i enjoyed this one a lot!... "I locked myself in my mind refusing to be, I made myself blind refusing to see." those lines got me to think about the aprt of..."myself"...istaed of the world...hmm...anyways...nice work! if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take - when thugs cry- |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Oh this was really sad. I thought you did amazing on this one. I really liked those spaces within the formatting of the poem. Thought it was nice. And I loved the flow and ryhme. Nicely done here.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
oo oo oo~this is like something ive been trying to write forever. great job. i really really liked it, look like i need to check out your other pieces. keep posting i like you heh*dq **You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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