I will be waiting... - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

The Exile
Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 52
Ontario, Canada

0 posted 2001-08-04 09:40 PM

I am wandering,
I am venturing,
On this strange, undiscovered land.

I am waiting,
I am hoping,
For your vibrant eyes to light my dreams:

Will you be smiling?
Will you be caring?
Will you be thinking?
Will we be laughing together?
Or maybe even crying?

Cuz who knows tomorrow,
On this land of strangeness,
What’s going to be happening?

But O’ your love made life worth to live in.
Cuz of you,
My venture starts to have its meaning.

Is it just another dream,
Or is it really you,
In my sweet and vivid fantasy?
I will be waiting…

[This message has been edited by The Exile (edited 08-05-2001).]

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

1 posted 2001-08-05 12:50 PM

I like this Alex... the format of the poem caught my eye. I thought the meaning got kind of confusing somewhere around the end... but I really enjoyed the poem nonetheless. Nicely done. And I haven't seen you around here much, so I hope to see more posts and replies soon

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

The Exile
Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 52
Ontario, Canada

2 posted 2001-08-05 01:11 AM

Hi Marie,

Thanks for responding to my poem so fast!

It's so cool you enjoyed reading it and liked the format, actually i didn't really pay too much attention to form and style at all while i was writing, i just kinda let it flow instead so as you can see, it's still got a somewhat confusing ending cuz of my lack of meditation. I was just thinking couldn't it be better if i had used "In this sweet and vivid fantasy?" instead of "In that sweet unreal fantasy?" Cuz after you pointed out i thought over it and i guess it does sound somewhat redundant in the way that "fantasy" and "dream" were made a bit too indistinguishable in the first case... Anyhoo, thanks a lot for sharing the comments i really appreciated!

- Alex

[This message has been edited by The Exile (edited 08-05-2001).]

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-08-07 06:21 PM

This was nice. I enjoyed the format and the topic of the poem. I thought you did just fine on this one.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

teenpoet
Member

since 2001-10-17

Posts 280
Michigan

4 posted 2003-04-24 11:07 AM

I liked it. You did well on this one. I look forward to more of your work.
~Keep dreaming~

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.