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Teen Poetry #5
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Pieces of Me
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Pieces of Me |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA 
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\/\Pieces of Me/\/ Touch my eyes as I kiss your soul unwrap my fragmented pieces Hold my hand underneath the stars and whisper sweet nothings in my ear Hopelessly surrounded by you in dreams I fall into your arms Swept away on summers breeze losing my breath against your skin Midnight's broken promises put to rest by heaven's tears Consuming all that I have left until I can feel no more Pieces of me that mold your hands clenched tightly among your thoughts gasping for just one final breath foerever remain shattered and torn ***I tried something new. I just wrote the first thing that came to mind instead of re-thinking every word i wrote..and this is what came out. **You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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| © Copyright 2002 Kiley - All Rights Reserved | |||
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TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
Wow.. I realy like this and I think sometimes its better to not re think every word that first comes to your mind.But anyway awsome piece like always and I can't wait to read more. Lauren "I just needed someone to talk to you were just to busy with yourself."-Staind |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
The non-thinking style suits you. It worked well with the piece. It's very nicely written Kiley so be happy with it.  Well done. BTW, you look gorgeous in that picture.  ~AF~ If this is all the world has to offer, I want a refund on my life. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
This is probably my favorite of all your pieces sweets Maybe you should stay with this style I just love it, shows a lot of improvement in your part keep it up and keep keep em coming ps. I ditto Lizzy there's just something about that pic that bothers me though i believe you already know why là où est mon amour? donde está mi amour? wo ist meine Liebe? Nelly Furtado é a menina a mais bonita no mundo largo do todo. [This message has been edited by acire (01-22-2002 10:24 AM).] |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
To write this well without re-thinking everything definitely shows much talent on your part. It's also good that you know how to listen and trust your own soul to flow out onto the page. Thank you for posting this. It was a pleasure. Jaime  -- the calm before the storm -- |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
thanks i was hesitant about it..and acire-- braces suck **You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
It's not the braces  là où est mon amour? |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
then what is it...bc anything else will be rude **You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
i'll tell ya again when i talk to you whenever that may be  là où est mon amour? |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
This is lovely, the way you brought the fragmented pieces together made for a wonderful metaphor. Kathleen--(Kay) |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
I would say this was a pretty good technique hun!! i REALLY enjoyed this a lot!! Thanks for sharing and try this more often Ya never know what will come out.. yOu GeT wAt u PaId 4 bUt i JuS hAd nO..iNtEnTion oF liVin tHis waY --Counting crows |
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Shygirl82 Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245Ilinois |
I really liked this one. You could almost tell that this was just coming straight from your mind to the paper. Thanks for sharing. ~Nikki~ Smile!! You never know who may be falling in love with it... |
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HiddenSparklez Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190British Columbia, Canada |
First off, great read. Secondly, it all flowed just like a dream... well it did for me. Again, good job! "You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
if this is what you get when you just write what comes into your mind it must be wonderful to be inside your head. beautiful writing, i really enjoyed this piece. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Aww...this was really nice. Sometimes, when you rethink each word over and over again, it sounds messier and messier...well, that's what happens to me, but oh well...o_O; I thought it was really clean and easy to read because of it. Metaphorically, it was beautiful. Thanks for the read! ^_^ -Leah Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This was beautiful. You should write more poems without thinking Very well done, Kiley... post more... soon? --Marie I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
I agree with everyone else. I liked the way you did this. I love that non-thinking just posting thing...sometimes it works soooo well. You proved it Jenn "You are the strength, that keeps me walking- you are the hope that keeps me trusting." |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
great job! i enjoyed this one! tks for sharing. robin i have a wish but only a certain guy can fufill it! |
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LoneWolf Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384IL |
Wow that was awesome, i loved. Great job on this. It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that. |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
braces? what braces? *squints @ the pic but doesnt see any* kiley, this is one of my fav pieces from you.. it had the normal greatness to it because youre a great writer and one of my favs from pip.. but this one just had a differnt feel to it. its nice seeing a glimpse of your soul and all the honesty that we get in this write without all the re-hashing that so many of us do to make things perfect. sometimes things are better without all the touch-ups. jmo tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
aww thank you everyone **You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
Free-writing worked wonderfully...I liked how you expressed yourself in this one, Kiley, "Hold my hand underneath the stars and whisper sweet nothings in my ear" Simply beautiful imagery in all. ^_^ "Dont piss me off. Im runing out of places to hide the bodies." |
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Melster Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442Brisbane, Qld, Australia |
one of your best I have read so far, keep it up MelZ!! You can't hurt me anymore than I have hurt myself already... |
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DawnG
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494United States |
I liked this a lot. Dawn |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
This one keeps coming back up là où est mon amour? |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
This is quite beautiful the words flow well and it was really refreshing hehe hrm..I don't know whatelse to say..everyone pretty much took up all the words I wanted to use Kristen [This message has been edited by Ceinwyn (02-12-2002 07:03 PM).] |
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Jeremy Halstead Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569Morris, Ill. U.S.A |
wow...for not re-working a word of that, it's incredibly clear. Your poetic insticts are obviously very strong...but I already knew that, he he he...nice reading from ya again. J.H. Curse not upon love, for it is the greatest of great things. Be it not love that curses you....but thy lack thereof. -J.D.H. |
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