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Kevin

Senior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

0 posted 2001-07-31 11:21 AM

Everyone seeks out their savior
No one does it on their own
I tried and tried but couldn’t save her
I tried and tried but tried alone
Fought my way to stand beside her
She was set on saving him
She never let me see insider her
Now inside she’s caving in

Everyone looks for distraction
From the darkness of their past
Channels it into attraction
Prays for happiness to last
I must admit I was distracted
I must admit I was at peace
But now I see I was attracted
Only to my self release

Shygirl82
Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 245
Ilinois

1 posted 2001-07-31 05:04 PM

Kevin,
This was really great...very well written and good emotions expressed. Excellent write here...Thanks for sharing!
~Nikki~

It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them.

Jessica

Member

since 2001-06-28

Posts 350
South AL

2 posted 2001-07-31 05:33 PM

Everyone looks for distraction
From the darkness of their past
Channels it into attraction
Prays for happiness to last

^ Favorite lines.

Been there too many times. Great way of showing your expressions. This is definately one of my favorites from you.

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

3 posted 2001-07-31 07:04 PM

Great wrie here, Kevin.
The flow/rhyme scheme was wonderfully done.
I liked it alot.
The thoughts her were terrific!

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-08-01 02:36 AM

the meaning to me...was quite intriguing...great message...something to think about.

"if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take" - when thugs cry-

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-08-03 04:49 PM

I really liked the ending to this one. Very well written Kevin!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

6 posted 2001-08-03 05:47 PM

Nicely done! I especially liked the ending. You had a nice expression in this piece...unique in a way. Good job!

-Leah

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

jaded
Junior Member

since 2001-07-24

Posts 20

7 posted 2001-08-03 06:23 PM

Kevin, this is great! It flowed really well, and you could feel the emotion within the stanza's,

the way you repeated certain phrases gave a strong emphasis upon those phrases, which worked really well.

very well done

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

8 posted 2001-08-04 07:05 PM

Nicely done! I LOVED the rhyme scheme and the flow... that was beautifully done. Thanks for sharing this. I enjoyed the read very much!

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

9 posted 2001-08-04 11:06 PM

Whoa...that was an excellent insight to human nature. I must admit i connected and understood exactly what you were saying..i've felt myself there many times before...but ya learn to watch out for it. Loved the poem.

" How can i feel if i can't breathe...?"
- Godsmack

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