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mistic
Member

since 2001-05-06

Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.

0 posted 2001-07-30 07:57 PM

ok this one starts out really dark but it changes. when i started writing it was like I wasn't even writing it, I just happened to glance down and there was this poem staring at me. It was weird. it started out about someone who was lost in a forest but decided to take a turn for the worse. anyway i didn't like the way it was going (it was making it seem like i was viewing my own funeral) so i decided to lead the poem a different direction to finish it off. on with the poem....

Fading Into Darkness

Darkness comes yet once again
Enveloping everything in its path,
Making things gloomy.
Demons dance within their caliginous shield
Far beyond the touch of light.
Creatures of the night
Roam to the extent of their boundaries.
Light touches my hand
And the darkness shrieks back with a scream.
My hand shakes as the Light touches it,
Fearing what it could bring me
But wanting its warmth.
The Light touches my cheek
Caressing it with a soft touch,
Lips wanting to kiss mine
But doesn't because of fear.
Tears fall from the Light's green eyes,
My sweet lover's eyes,
Slipping to softly rest on the cold cheek
He just caressed.
A rose set in my hand that brightens my mood
But darkness suddenly slips in again,
Quicker this time.
Eyes race franctically to see what's going on.
Why won't my body cooperate?
Why has time ended without my knowing?
Don't close me in yet!
I'm still here,
I really am!
There's things to do still!
But if you must take me
Let my love come back to me
And kiss me one last time
So I can say goodbye
Since you say I must go,
Man in the black cape.
Ah, my wish is granted,
His sweet face returns,
But crying this time.
A hand wanting to reach up
And brush away his tears
But can't move.
Seeking warmth once again,
I look up at him through lifeless eyes,
Not wanting him to cry
And wanting to still be with him.
Finally he gives into his first desire
And leans down to brush a kiss across my lips,
A kiss that was returned.
Warmth ran through me
And color filled my view.
I opened my eyes
To find myself tightly wrapped in my love's arms,
Forever to stay there.
No tears fell
And warmth was everywhere.
Hearing the steady breathing
And the pounding heart of his,
I snuggled deeper into his strong embracing arms,
Realizing it was all just a dream.
With a kiss on parted lips
And a whisptered "I love you,"
I drifted back into the darkness night created
And dreamed of him.

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

1 posted 2001-07-30 09:00 PM

Dark as it was (in the beginning), it was romantic.

I especially liked the ending...like a cycle almost. I also liked the way you described the way light hits. Great work!

-Leah

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

2 posted 2001-07-31 12:44 PM

Wow Steph! I'm adding this to my library...There was something baout it that caught me- and I'm totally loving it. I thought you did a fantastic job on this one! So sad and dark at the beginning...but to find it all a dream in the end made me so happy. Oh- I love this!

n e where
Junior Member

since 2001-05-30

Posts 32
Australia

3 posted 2001-07-31 01:11 AM

amazing...I loved the imagery in this...

~I'd rather see the world from another angle~ Jewel.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-07-31 10:20 PM

the imagery in this piece...was well written with your thoughts...VERY dark yet so romantic.

if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take

Jessica

Member

since 2001-06-28

Posts 350
South AL

5 posted 2001-08-01 02:37 AM

The twist you gave was incredible... mysteriously enveloping...

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-08-03 03:56 AM

I liked this one a lot. Very nicely written. It impressed the heck out of me.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

7 posted 2001-08-04 08:26 AM

man this is good. Listening to it with the crouching tiger, hidden soundtrack really gave it a boost too. Some of the lines in this are so beautiful The imagery is really good.
"A hand wanting to reach up
And brush away his tears
But can't move."
I love that. It's elegant in it's simplicity. You've done quite a good job with this, Steph. Good work and thanks for sharing.

~AF~

"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs." -- Robin Williams

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

8 posted 2001-08-05 12:35 PM

I really like this! Like you mentioned, it was very dark in the beginning, I wasn't expecting it to turn into a romantic poem. Nicely done... you entertwined the two very well. It's not something you see every day. I really enjoyed it!

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

9 posted 2001-08-05 04:26 PM

This poem was very good and I really liked it keep up the awsome work.
Lauren

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