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fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

0 posted 2001-07-23 06:53 AM

aye, wut's up all?? i am not sure if i lyk this one...(i usually never lyk my own work) please be honest and reply honestly. help is, and will always be, appreciated. thanks again. oh yeah in thinking by this i mean lyk thinking about the past, and just bad stuff. not thinking about cute little bunnies and crap lyk that. just trying to clear it up. -fear-

trapped inside my own mind
where troubles run rampant
and seldom do i find
anyone who can tame this thing
they call
thinking
it seems to only depress me
and yet...i need it to breathe
sometimes
i wish
that i could just kill it
but then i would die too
right along side it
ah hell
does it even really matter anymore??
i'm already dead
it's pretty pathetic
when you allow yourself
to slowly die
don't you agree?
why god???
must you torment me this way
i'm sorry for what i've done
but please
i can't deal with this constant pain

-fear-

i'm a penguin! i'm a penguin! i'm a cute lil penguiiiin! i'm a penguin i'm a penguin! i eat FISH!--tis the pretty penguin song

zarina
Member

since 2001-05-19

Posts 180

1 posted 2001-07-23 08:04 AM

It's not your best, but still very good. I can relate a little to it.. sometimes I want to stop thinking.. cause all my thougths are just too heavy... :-/ Usually I try to sleep those times.. when you're sleeping you don't have to think. Oh well. anyways, nice poem

I am always myself. Isn't that enough for you?

Starnite
Junior Member

since 2001-07-05

Posts 41
Wisconsin

2 posted 2001-07-23 11:03 AM

It's ok. I can't get some of the parts but other wise it was good. Keep posting!!!!

**Sarah

DarkenedShadow
Member

since 2001-07-23

Posts 114
Kansas

3 posted 2001-07-23 11:09 AM

I know what you feel when your writing this... so I do seem to be quite fond of this poem. It attracts my attention and the words seem to flow themselves together. This was magnifecient. Keep it up. /Nick/

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

4 posted 2001-07-23 09:24 PM

Actually- I liked this ALOT. I don't know why you don't... I thought it was a completely awesome free-verse. Yo expressed yourself VERY well. More I say!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-07-26 01:04 AM

I would really encourage punctuation in this one. I got confused a few times with it.
Anyhow well done on it.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

6 posted 2001-07-27 11:14 PM

Raw emotions rock!

The pain in this is so evident that it practically screams at you.
"trapped inside my own mind
where troubles run rampant"
Soooooo can connect with that. Curse these heads of ours!!

~AF~

"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs." -- Robin Williams

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

7 posted 2001-07-28 02:04 AM

thinking IS bad fear...it hurts my head!!..

..
no i liked this poem a lot..i dont know understand why you wouldnt..i could certainly relate to it....especially late at night when i cant sleep ( im a chronic insomniac )...and all i seem to be able to do then is to sit and think...sumtimes it just gets too much...mind overload..especially if youre thinking about an adverse situation....*sighs*
good write fear...i like it a lot thanks for sharing it with me..

"Killer in me is a killer in you, my love
Send a smile over to you"
Disarm
Smashing Pumkins

allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

8 posted 2001-07-28 02:56 AM

Well i really liked it... clear emotions... good poem

ALLIE

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

9 posted 2001-08-02 11:37 PM

Ooo.. I really like this one. One's mind can be one's own worst enemy. Thinking can be very dangerous indeed... I really liked this one, and connected well. I encourage punctuation, though. Nicely done. I enjoyed this!

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

Low Man's Lyric
Member

since 2001-04-03

Posts 236
In a dream

10 posted 2001-08-03 01:16 AM

I like this poem, I am not sure why you don't like your poems but I guess thats up to you to decide

.I really like this free verse poem of yours, I don't think I could ever make a free verse poem (it has to rhyme for me) but you did a nice job describing how you felt in this one, until next time.

"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before."
~Steven Wright

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