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HeAvEnS AnGeL
Member

since 2001-05-17

Posts 168
The Hot Girl From Canada

0 posted 2001-07-27 12:52 PM

This poem was writen for my friend Mark, he has a serious drinking problem and at one of the lower points in his life i wrote this for him to help inspire him to kick his nasty habit. He has now been sober for 3 months.

You had a rough day,
Everything went wrong.
No matter what you did,
The day felt so long.

But now your home,
With a bottle in your hand.
The room is spinning,
And you can barely stand.

Two, four, six, eight,
The bottles start to pile.
Your feeling great now,
But you'll be hungover in awhile.

You stumble to your bedroom,
The stairs are the worst.
Your trying to be careful,
So that you don't get hurt.

Your feet slip from under you,
And you tumble to the ground.
You hit the basement floor,
With a loud bone braking sound.

Your face is bloody and bruised,
And it hurts to even think.
You wouldn't be in the hospital,
If you didn't drink.

Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there, with open arms, and open eyes ~Incubus~

JBaker515

Member

since 2001-02-28

Posts 458
Dartmouth College

1 posted 2001-07-27 12:55 PM

This was great. I am so glad that you helped mark out with his problem, and drinking problems are so severe, its scary. I am glad that he is sober now!!
THe poem you wrote here was wonderful, had the imagery at the end, and the flow was wonderful!!

GOOD JOB ON BOTH THINGS!!
hope everything stays that way!

~Jeff~

"Within you I lose myself
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again."

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-07-27 01:06 AM

Wow I really liked how this came out. You did awesome on this. It makes me feel happy that I have never drank a sip of alcohol in my life. Well done here.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

3 posted 2001-07-27 01:13 AM

Ash ...Wow. I REALLY liked this. I'm not going to basj drinking- cause thats not bad. But being a drunkard is. People need to realize there is a limit. So many bad things can happen when ANYTHING is taken over the limit....Not only to ones self but to others. I'm glad your friend has sobered up. This was an incredible write. Described the situation well. And flowed WONDERFULLY. Nice job!

Jessica

Member

since 2001-06-28

Posts 350
South AL

4 posted 2001-07-27 04:35 AM

This was very well written. But I have to agree with Jesa on something - I am not against drinking but is something entirely diffrent when you take it too far.

Wonderfully written...

What don't kill you can only make you stronger...

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

5 posted 2001-07-27 05:04 AM

i loved this poem..it flowed wonderfully and i loved the story it told...you did really well with this one...im glad hes well now..things can get out of hand too easliy..thanks for sharing..

"I hope my mum and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
I hear them scream, I hear them fight
Say bad words that make me wanna cry"
E

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

6 posted 2001-07-28 11:46 AM

Ah the slipping of the stairs. They hurt.

This piece flowed really well! You wrote it so wonderfully that anyone reading it would have no choice but to get help.
Well done and thanks for the read.

~AF~

"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs." -- Robin Williams

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

7 posted 2001-07-28 12:06 PM

Wow....this was a great piece!!! Definately eye-opening...Good job and i hope your friend is doing better now....

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

8 posted 2001-07-28 01:09 PM

Hey,

This poem has a very important subject, there are way to many alcoholics these days. To many people have stressful lives or go through rough times and turn to substance abuse. That why I am glad that everyone here has a creative outlet so they wont turn to alcohol or drugs. They both destroy to many people’s lives and I am glad that your outlet, creativity, and skills helped someone get over his problem. Bravo for that, and as for the poem itself it was very nice.

-- Linc

       "Blood Moon"
   Host: Lark.crodo.com
         Port:1313

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

9 posted 2001-08-02 11:53 PM

The flow and the rhyme scheme here is VERY well done. The structure of the poem made it easy to read... As for the content, this is unfortunately something I hear of too often. It's too common in today's society... I only wish that everyone who had that problem had a friend like you on their side. Nicely done... and give him a pat on the back for staying sober for 3 months! Wow.. that's something to be proud of. Thanks for sharing this. I really enjoyed it

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

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