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Kicking Kim
Member

since 2001-04-16

Posts 426
Cloud Cucko Land!

0 posted 2001-08-17 06:54 PM

Once Stained never forgotten.
You'll always see
the deepest black ink
upon my snow white record.
You'll see the one spill
upon my gleaming white appearance
which took me so long to complete.
But the spill marks me
a darkened dream in your eyes
and I'll never become
the pure beautiful being
that you saw me as before.
I tried so hard not to ruin
my whitest self being
but the true me will never be back,
just a mask which covers my pure self.
Comisorations, anticipations, congratulations,
its what you wanted to see.
Once stained never forgotten.

"Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression"

Poet Unknown
Member

since 2001-08-14

Posts 140
Missouri

1 posted 2001-08-17 06:57 PM

deep, very deep great read i enjoyed it

Only darkness falls on those without souls

DarkAngelOfTheStars
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 255

2 posted 2001-08-17 07:16 PM

really strong poem....great job

You know you 've completely descended into madness when the matter of shampoo has ascended to philosophical heights

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

3 posted 2001-08-17 09:37 PM

This is very deep, not everyone can write exactly what I feel in a poem, this was one poem that contained how I felt in a nutshell.

AngelPoet87
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 280
Indy

4 posted 2001-08-17 09:59 PM

Like they said, this is good, its really deep. Now I know this was probably intentional, but the constant repetition of the words "pure" and "stain" might want to be looked into. Or maybe I'm just crazy. Whatever you think is great! Keep writing!

Liefhe alle ten spijte van duivel.

Kicking Kim
Member

since 2001-04-16

Posts 426
Cloud Cucko Land!

5 posted 2001-08-18 11:31 AM

I only used the word stained twice in the first and last line and that was intentional because it is a repeat line. I too used the word pure only twice intentionally to show that there was the same amout of pure as stain yet they still see the stain because it shows up deeper.

"Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression"

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

6 posted 2001-08-20 11:53 PM

I REALLY like this one, Kim. The message is one that I'm sure many people can connect with.
"But the spill marks me
a darkened dream in your eyes
and I'll never become
the pure beautiful being
that you saw me as before."
I really liked that lines. I really liked the use of the symbolism between the "white" and the "ink". Nice work! Very well done.

--Marie

If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

7 posted 2001-08-21 12:30 PM

OOOOOOOooooooooooooooooOOOh! this ia a very cool write from you kim!..i liked the repitition of the first line in the end..it gave good closure on the poem..i liked this one a lot..thanksfor sharing!

"Kiss my Starfish!
My chocolate Starfish punk!"
-'Hot dog'
Limp Bizket

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

8 posted 2001-08-21 06:05 PM

yet again, i agree w/ Cherish.
VERY AWESOME write here Kim, I'm becoming a fan!

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

Jezziekaka
Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 58
where the trees touch the sky

9 posted 2001-08-21 07:37 PM

Kicking Kim~ Great poem! I liked it alot!

It was realy Wow!

Jezzika

be dangerous, unpredictable, and make a lot of noise!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

10 posted 2001-08-25 12:55 PM

I thought you did a great job here. Pretty awesome poem and a job well done. I hope to see much more from you Kim!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

11 posted 2001-08-25 01:15 PM

Woah. This was very powerful. I really like the title too. I have to say, this may be one of my favs from you. Great job!

LoneWolf
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 384
IL

12 posted 2001-08-26 12:46 PM

Wow this was great i loved it

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
I've learned that even when you th

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