Mud on her porch. - pipTalk Forums

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allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

0 posted 2001-07-18 03:53 AM

Boots,
Accross a rain soaked lawn.
A knock on the door,
Then two.
She knows who it is,
Knows why he's there.
There's rain on his face,
And rain on his clothes.
Rain from the sky,
Or rain from his eyes?
He hand's her a note,
Soft from the rain.
She puts it away,
Needn't read it.
She knows what it says,
It's full of;
"I love you,
And i want you back."
She throws him a look,
Between love and disgust.
She's sweet sixteen,
But there's a sting in her tail.
And there's tears in his eyes,
All down his face.
Tears on his clothes,
Pain in his eyes.
Yet all she sees,
Is the mud on her porch.

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

1 posted 2001-07-18 04:16 AM

ALLIE!

I LOVED THIS!
Oh man- this was terrific! It's so true! Sometimes we dislike people so much that no matter what nice thing they do there is always SOMETHING you can find that they did wrong so you have an excuse to be mad. UGH! I really liked this! Be proud of this piece!

allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

2 posted 2001-07-18 04:18 AM

thankyou so much!
It was something i wrote in bed lol, then woke up and put on paper

thankz again,

ALLIE

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA

3 posted 2001-07-18 07:54 PM

Wow, I like this one! Never felt that way, but the imagery was great. Good Job!!

      - Cody -

Note To Self:  If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-07-19 01:41 AM

I liked this. I completely know what you're talking about.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-07-19 01:45 AM

the imgerywas so well written with the emotions in this one, Allie

...i liked it VERY much.

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

6 posted 2001-07-19 06:55 PM

Wow, Allie! I LOVED this! The ending was AWESOME. "Yet all she sees/is the mud on her porch." That's AWESOME. I can relate to this so well.. My favorite lines were, "Rain from the sky/Or rain from his eyes?" Nicely done, Allie. VERY good work! I really enjoyed this... keep posting all your work.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

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