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Clean Slate
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Clean Slate |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia 
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This is a new format I've been experimenting with. I don't know if I much like it yet. I don't know if I much like this poem yet... But tell me what you think about it. -------------------------------------------------------- Clean Slate Your teeth clenched with each chafe of chalk s c r a p i n g the blackboard of my spirit... You pulled me into this never ending story of melodic strawberry fields-- (dry grass), Uninhabited wasteland-- (figment of your mind)... and you say my imagination is insanely large? I say yours is malnourished. And with each failed attempt to resurrect me to r e a l i t y-- (your reality, that is)-- it becomes more so. You sigh, but say nothing, and continue harvesting your dead grass field. I shake my head and think I never asked you to understand-- just to listen. Your tears are drowning out my laughs... maybe it’s some deranged attempt to handcuff me to your ashes. Wipe off the steam, darling, and see what you’ve buried... And until your footprints are the only thing left I will hide in the shadows-- (your shadows)-- and I’ll lay in my strawberry field, waiting for your chalk stick to break in half... And I’ll wiggle my toes and smile, because my blackboard is clean... Not a single mark on it. But I think we both knew that from the start. --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning... [This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 07-17-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jennifer Floyd - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Missthang Member
since 2001-07-03
Posts 103 |
i really like your voice and the way you write. it kind of sounds like you are writing from "inside" rather from the "surface" (if you understood that). but yeah, i relly like your style of writing. i'm not quite sure if i understood exatcly what was going on in it though. i was confused as to why you and this other person are on two different pages, but still, i liked it. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Marie- You're writing amazes me. The format of this one...The way you used HTML- It was absolutely brilliant. I really liked the ending too. I'm gonna put this on my library to I can analyze it a bit more. hehe.. Anyway- like I said- truelly terrific write, Marie. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
MissThang - thanks, I'm glad you liked it. I don't understand your question though... what do you mean "on two different pages"? Spice - thanks, girl  I'm glad you liked this one... the HTML I particularly liked myself. It's always good to try different things, huh?--Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning... |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
I really liked the format of this. It was really nice for the poem. the wording of the peom itself was awesome. i really liked it.  |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Completely awesome! I really liked the poem a lot! I thought you wrote it amazingly! Very very powerful, but the ending was weak. The last line, ONLY the last line. I thought it could have either ended another way or at least add 1-2 lines more to give it something else to end with. Anyhow, all in all the poem was one of my favs from you. Very nicely done.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
wow!...such a amazing piece...the experiment seems like it..turned out a success! ...the way the poem read in my head was awesome..im truly enjoyed this, Marie im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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allie Member
since 2001-07-09
Posts 218Australia |
i hunted down your work again, to be just as amazed, you really have a gift with words, and flow and everything.. i cant find anything thats wrong in this. You continue to amaze me... i must say i look up to you as a poet. ALLIE |
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katherine Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Canberra Australia |
this is awesome. I absolutly loved it. It worked really well. keep it up. katie fate can only take you so far, the rest is up to you |
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JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
Marie, this was special!! So unique, i loved it. You did a wonderful job here, and i love all your work!!! Keep it up!! Jeff  ~Jeff~ |
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Raven Skye Member
since 2001-03-03
Posts 112.In a House. |
Wow...your writing is truely amazing!!  <-- me when I read your poetryWOOHOO!! GREAT JOB!!! *×´¨`·.×*Raven Skye*×´¨`·.×* |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
diamond in the rough speechless |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Awesome. Truly awesome. There is not much more that can be said, so I won't try. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Hill's_Chatabox Junior Member
since 2001-07-10
Posts 46USA |
I liked this one a-lot, this one of the best ones I have read of yours so far, (I haven't read enough yet but I am getting to it) But I enjoyed it.... I also enjoy getting your comments, getting help from you really helps in my writing, most of the time. so keep the comments coming and not to mention the writings ~Hill~ |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
O wow...this is outstanding... a library piece If you only understood my pain then maybe you could learn to be my friend. Be there. My crying shoulder. The smiles. And the caring i need to survive. |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, ...umm........well... GRRR you get on my nevers I sound like a cd that keeps playing the same song ove and over and over and over and over...again but either way "superb poem as always Marie " okay there is my normal speech for you! But anyways I liked to format it was cool. Kewl as some Chester poeple might say -- Linc |
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