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Teen Poetry #5
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my love
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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my love |
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zarina Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180
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I laugh with you I look at you I smile for you In your eyes I see All your love for me And I feel warm And I feel weird so good.. my love.. you're so good When I'm down and feel alone You take my hand Removes the pain You rescue me Saves me from the dark Cause of your love.. I just want to smile so good.. my love.. you're so good And life is great And love is true And I belive in you You can make me sing I need all the love that you bring You can me feel like I have wings Make me fly Away from the painful things to be with you I don't need more your love it's whole with you I'm safe To sleep in your arms.. Can't explain what I feel Everything is so real At nigth We're one Tonigth We're gone One my love.. oh my love.. do you know.. Almost thougth we could fly *-*- Well..This isn't very good. To be honest..I dont like it at all, heh. but well, I'll post it anyway. maybe someone could tell me what's wrong? cause I dont know. It's just that..somethings not quite rigth. -*-* [This message has been edited by zarina (edited 07-17-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 zarina - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
starting a poem off with an intro of "this isn't good", is shooting it down before I can even read it. You put a negitive spin on it so I am looking for something to be wrong with it instead of just being able to enjoy it. Please don't do that.....I thought this was just fine  "Four be the things I'd been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles and doubt." |
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zarina Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180 |
better now? I am always myself. Isn't that enough for you? |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
yep this was good, and i dunt understand why you think it isnt...but whatev*KiMMiE* the road to fame is long, and theres no escalator..but dang, ill burn sum calories getting there! hehe |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i think it was fine as well...i enjoyed the read, Carina im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I liked this one. I thought it was good, just not as good as some of your others. Nicely done Enjoyed, as always.--Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning... |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Hi Zarina. I would have replied MUCH sooner to this but I figured I had read it already (Since yours are usually the first I reply to) so I didnt open it. Now I'm pissed at myself. HaHaHa. oh well.. Anyway- My fav line was "I smile for you" the meaning behind it just blew me away. Because you aren't smiling WITH the person, you aren't smiling AT the person- it's FOR the person- which is so completely heartfelt and emotional...And I loved how you ended the first 2 stanzas with "you're so good." as if all his complex wonderful characteristics and qualties could only be summed up with a simple word- Good. I can really relate to that. I liked this one Zar- be happy with it.  [This message has been edited by Spice (edited 07-18-2001).] |
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zarina Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180 |
Thanks alot everyone.. Spice: Im happy that you like my poems! It really means alot to me... thanks! I am always myself. Isn't that enough for you? |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked this one. Thought it was nice.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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CwboyAtHeart Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541Selah, WA, USA |
I thought this one was good. Nice Write. - Cody - |
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