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Teen Poetry #5
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my first love poem...
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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my first love poem... |
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DarkAngelOfTheStars Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 255 |
ok well a lot of the stuff i write is sad so i decided to write about love because im in love  and i just wrote it so here it is i hope you likeFor once in my life I’m speechless I cannot begin to express the joy you give me Never once in my life Have I had anything worth living for I never had anything to dream about I never had anything to look forward to But then I met you Now I not only feel the sun I can actually see its brilliant light I’m not only moving and living but I’m being The smile I wear, I’m slowly learning Is no longer painted on But it’s real And true I not only love the rain But I feel I MUST dance with it I see my future in your eyes I no longer feel the need to die Or hide myself I have the dire need To live Not just live But REALLY live To dance without music Sing without words To live without care To be happy without reason To be me without fear I’ve never felt this way before So alive So happy to be alive I never loved I never trusted anyone Until I met you I dream about you when we’re apart Live for the days I’m in your arms Your hand is in mine We stand there Time stands still Because the world is for us And as the rain falls We dance In silence we dance Because we both feel the same There is no need for words I’m in love with the world for the first time I stopped fighting And surrendered To the beauty of this life All because of you Each day is wonderful Because I fall more in love with you one morning you wake up afraid you are going to live [This message has been edited by DarkAngelOfTheStars (edited 06-23-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Kat - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
"I not only love the rain But I feel I MUST dance with it" yep, you got it bad This is really great happy to see you so happy wonderful isn't it?! |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Guess what, guess what, guess what?!? *singing* you're in love, you're in love!!  Ha ha! Don't worry, it happens to the best of us.  Woah. Dude, what happened?  Anyway, I'm soo happy that you're happy, and I have no idea why I'm happy, cause normally I'd be totally cynical about this whole love thing, but I guess your poem just... helped me out, and this is turning into a really long run-on sentence  ! Anyway, EXCELLENTLY GOOD poem (there's that new grammer again), and I am soooo happy for you! I thinkI need to go outside and run around...  sorry I got so carried away, your poem just clicked with me for some reason! Ah hahahahahaha! I think I will leave now... Best of luck with whomever he is, and if he doesn't remember your b-day (whenever it is) I'll smack him for ya if ya want. Okay, I really am leaving now. Bye, and GREAT poem!!!Rhonda  "Amy, can you PLEASE come to Spain with us so that we have someone to keep Rhonda calm?" - Mr. Ardeil *insert hysterical laughter from me here* |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
"To dance without music And sing without words To live without care To be happy without reason And to be me without fear I’ve never felt this way before So alive And so happy to be alive" These are excellent words. such a beautiful read to the eyes I'm very impressed. ~*applauds*~ BRAVO!!! hi Sweets, Kris, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
wow!..first of all im soo glad you have found life in love ...and the poem was pure beauty the images and the way you expressed was wonderful...i really enjoyed this...hope to see more of this from you...bye Kat  im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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katherine Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Canberra Australia |
This is so beautiful, you can tell it's written from the heart. It's a great poem. Why's everybody in love all of a sudden! katie fate can only take you so far, the rest is up to you |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
yep...you're definitely in love! i hope things continue to work out for you.. nice write...i especially liked this part... "To dance without music And sing without words" enjoyed reading this...keep it up.. smiles, ~vicky "...until you have read the verse on his |
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obscurity of cloud Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 294....:::::******:::::.... |
What a great way to express how you're feeling!! I certainly hope you show this to the love of your life because it is absolutely melting me, and i don't even know you! Wonderful "so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Great work DAOTS I really enjoyed the read and I think you did really well as I'm not sure about anyone else but I find love really hard to write about Zu |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I'm impressed... this is your first love poem? Very nice work. Beautiful words, here. I enjoyed this a lot. --Marie "Believing the grass would be greener... |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
hey daots. Know you don't know me too well but here's my critique on your poem...Try taking out all of the "ands" at the beginnings of some lines, and see how it reads through then. You can usually do that in this sort of poem and it won't take anything away from it, rather improve and magnify the purity of the message. Just try it at least and read it through once, it's a little trick not a lot of people know about. Congrats on being in love, I wish you the best of luck. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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LoneWolf Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384IL |
wow, this was beautiful. i loved this. `this is just wow.i'm so happy that you feel like this. i'm puttin this one in the library. good luck with it all. It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that. |
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DarkAngelOfTheStars Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 255 |
okies allan ill try that better? [This message has been edited by DarkAngelOfTheStars (edited 06-23-2001).] |
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DYME Member
since 2000-07-29
Posts 104Texas |
In love!! I remember when I first fell in love!! Love is a beautiful thing no matter what kind of relationship it is...family, friends, signifigant other...ect. I think you made someone happy. No weapon formed against me shall prosper... ISAIAH 54:17 |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Wow Dark! This was absolutely wonderful! I completely loved it! You showed your feelings perfectly. I'm really happy for you. I hope you feel this way forever. It's a wonderful feeling (So I hear ) |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Well I didn't read this before, with the and's, but I can tell you that this flows very well...Extremely sweet poem...Ain't love grand? Heh, yeah I loved your reference to rain. *does a little rain dance* Too sunny here...anyways, keep..well, being. ~Carly "Go outside and use your own eyes. You'll be surprised to see things you've never been taught..." |
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Words_of_Glitter Member
since 2000-10-25
Posts 90USA |
That was amazing and you expressed the emotion of being in love so well. nicely done. made me feel warm all over. "Do not marry the one that you can live with. Marry the one you cannot live without." |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Incredible write. Beautifully written! I enjoyed the piece. You say this is your first love poem? I think you did very well. (ignore allan. hehe) Hope to see more from you! -Leah Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
awwwwwwwwww, this was really sweet!!! I loved it...and I can totally relate!!! thanks for sharing!!!! (oh, and you are an awesome writer!!!) I don't have an attitude problem You have a perception problem. |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
awwww this is so sweet :-) whoever u wrote this about must feel special. did u show them the poem??? great work. -fear- emotions are like evil serpents that coil around your mind---me "i cannot save you, i can't even save myself"--stabbing westward |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nicely done here.....Very nice. I would be so happy if something like this were written to me. I enjoyed it.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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DarkAngelOfTheStars Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 255 |
but dopey it was too you.....didnt you get it? hehe im just playing......thanks everyone your replys mean a lot  one morning you wake up afraid you are going to live |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I thought it was for me  hi Sweets, Kris, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
"The smile I wear, I’m slowly learning Is no longer painted on But it’s real And true I not only love the rain But I feel I MUST dance with it" These lines are so beautiful. Keep writing love poems. You put so much emotion into it, it is wonderful. *Amanda* |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
If this is your first love poem I commend you because it is so sweet!! It is so great to see that someone is making you this happy. Enjoy the many more moments of total bliss in this stage. ~AF~ Just because I hear voices doesn't mean I'm crazy...SHUT UP IN THERE!!! |
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Punk Angel Member
since 2001-07-25
Posts 66Pennsylvania, US |
this was a wonderful way to express your feelings towards that special someone, as long as that someone sees it!! |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
it's always great to be in love and have a future with that person. I think every writer has one of those periods. I know I did. I called it "fozzy in melancholy" or something. Jus' kiddin'. Congrats on a hit and a "hit"(plucks little heart arrow). "and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings |
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DarkAngelOfTheStars Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 255 |
hehe this is old!! thanx for all the replys guys! oh yeah and we are still together story of my life: I am so self destructive, I turn solutions into problems. Everything i touch i ruin. Im midas in reverse [This message has been edited by DarkAngelOfTheStars (edited 07-25-2001).] |
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JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
Simply wonderful. Love is the best isnt it. This poem was well done, i liked it a lot. You did a marvelous job with the flow, it was great!! Keep it up! ~Jeff~ |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
hura! Ya, I know I've already replied...BUT I'm so glad someone bumped this one back to the top. I liked it bunches. HeHe. |
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Hellseyes Member
since 2001-07-25
Posts 120Kansas, USA |
this is a very beautiful thing..its great that you experience such love..and i pray for that the love you feel now will never fade../Drew/ |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
This was beautiful work. keep it up! Regina |
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allie Member
since 2001-07-09
Posts 218Australia |
really fantastic... yet you say its your first? you should write more love poems... you're very talented in this area... Perhaps the right experience promted it... ALLIE |
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