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Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

0 posted 2002-09-07 11:30 AM

this is completely different from the last poem i posted b/c its written 4 someone else LoL

Rejoiceful sounds,
fill the air,
as our bodies meet-
in a tender embrace.

You are the one,
who fills my life with happiness,
I knew this as soon-
as I saw the look on your face.

Tears of joy,
slide down my cheeks,
you wipe them away-
with a gentle kiss.

With your arms,
wrapped around me,
I see nothing but us-
in this real bliss.

~Ur feelings never change, u just learn 2 hide them~

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

1 posted 2002-09-07 12:34 PM

This was pretty. I hope this person can make you happy.

Jenn

Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving?

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

2 posted 2002-09-07 12:58 PM

Awww. What a nice poem. I really liked it and i hope yu and "mystery girl" are happy.LOL. Keep writing cause I love your stuff.

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

3 posted 2002-09-07 06:04 PM

mystery guy lol, i'm female just 2 let everyone know

~Ur feelings never change, u just learn 2 hide them~

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

4 posted 2002-09-09 01:37 PM

oh my gosh i am so sorry for confusing u with a male! please forgive me. lol
allison

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

5 posted 2002-09-09 03:58 PM

lol its ok

~Ur feelings never change, u just learn 2 hide them~

deadeyes
Junior Member

since 2001-11-07

Posts 33

6 posted 2002-09-10 03:57 PM

Ok this was really cliched. And i'm gonna say it because people tell this to newbies who are still learning to write and here's an example of a post that's just as cliched. Next time if a newbie is critiqued..think about your own poetry.

"Silencio..no hay banda..no hay orquesta."
"We hear a band yet we don't see a band". It is all a recording."
"Silencio. It is all an illusion".

deadeyes
Junior Member

since 2001-11-07

Posts 33

7 posted 2002-09-10 03:58 PM

But that's just poetic criticism. jeje
I also hope it all goes well with your love.

"Silencio..no hay banda..no hay orquesta."
"We hear a band yet we don't see a band". It is all a recording."
"Silencio. It is all an illusion".

clve527
Member

since 2002-07-08

Posts 200

8 posted 2002-09-10 11:22 PM

Just a comment, whether or not one's own poetry is cliche has no merit in regards to another critique. If a poem is cliche then the critiquer is fully allowed to say as such. If one does not truth one should not request it.

Casey

If all you want is emotion, go down to walmart, buy yourself a diary and hide it in a drawer where no one can see...

LyricFetish
Senior Member

since 2000-01-13

Posts 528
North Carolina

9 posted 2002-09-12 11:06 PM

I know the feelings expressed in your poem all to well! Very well put.

Note: if anyone wants to call the poem "cliche", then might I remind them that LOVE, in and of itself, is cliche. People think about it, feel it, and fall out of it every day. And, by the way, check out the title! The author knew what she was writing about.

*~Meredith~*

"I can taste you on my lips
and smell you in my clothes"
*BHS

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