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xEmperorEmber
Member

since 2000-03-28

Posts 136
tx

0 posted 2002-08-27 09:59 PM

i want to be the cells inside you
to feel you when i divide
i want to be the cells inside you
to burn when you die

i want to be the god that made you
to feel myself inside
i want to be the one who created you
i want to be a lie

for a thousand life times

i want to be under the microscope
when they cure your cancer
i want to be under the pressure

i want to wander in your mind
when you fall to sleep
to draw the lines of your dreams

i want to be responsible
when you draw breath

i will nurture your soul
when im your flesh

you can be my soul
when im your flesh

for a thousand life times

skyshine

Member Elite

since 2002-02-07

Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars

1 posted 2002-08-27 11:20 PM

Well....this was an interesting read.

~Beth

Howl at the stars, whisper when you're sleeping, I'll be there to hold you, I'll be there to stop the chills and all the weeping.

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

2 posted 2002-08-28 10:05 PM

I could get all into this right now, but I think I'm too tired to do that. I will later though when I'm feeling less dead.

I dig it yo. I'll explain why and junk later.

Love,
Jaime

"you don't need one of these to let me inside of you" T.A.

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

3 posted 2002-08-30 11:24 PM

I like that it's not your typical "I love you" bs poem. You're expressing the need to lose yourself in the other person.. the need to be as much "inside" of her as possible.. and simply saying "i want.." makes it seem even more like a primal need as opposed to some flowery crap that sounds like a rip off of a Hallmark card

I want to see you writing more. Pretty please? Pleeeeease.. I'll give you some of my tomato soup and we can watch Shogun in a cheap hotel with the air conditioner WAY up high so we can pretend we're eskimos.

Peace

Love, Jaime

"you don't need one of these to let me inside of you" T.A.

[This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (08-30-2002 11:25 PM).]

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

4 posted 2002-08-31 02:54 PM

This was extremely interesting.
I like the way you put this...very anti-hallmark as Jamie said. Wonderful

Jenn

Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving?

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

5 posted 2002-08-31 03:13 PM

LoL@Jaime....

Sincerely,
Titus

"I'll prepare myself, and one day my time will come."
-Abraham Lincoln

SunShine913

Member

since 2001-08-19

Posts 211
Italy but from NC

6 posted 2002-09-01 09:03 AM

wow.. i think im kinda lost for words.. i have never read something umm so interesting like this. i think i read it like 3 or 4 times lol but i liked it

*!~!* Andrea *!~!*
soon to be mother

xEmperorEmber
Member

since 2000-03-28

Posts 136
tx

7 posted 2002-09-01 05:32 PM

lol, thanks you all for the kind replies. I am glad that you appreciate my work

This poem is now a song, i am working with a new band, we are struggle to break away from the conventional, but yes we still use guitars. But maybe it will be something you can get into? we will have a site up soon and i will let you guys know when. Thanks for everything.
(not an ad.. lol.. creative purposes only)
me famous? *cough*

Paul

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

8 posted 2002-09-01 11:13 PM

me <- the groupie

"you don't need one of these to let me inside of you" T.A.

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

9 posted 2002-09-02 01:44 AM

*gasp* A new icon! Nooooooooooooooo!!!

Sincerely,
Titus

"I'll prepare myself, and one day my time will come."
-Abraham Lincoln

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

10 posted 2002-09-02 06:22 PM

"Noooooooooooooooo"?? What's wrong with the kitty cat?

"you don't need one of these to let me inside of you" T.A.

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

11 posted 2002-09-03 04:33 AM

Ti, you're a geek.

Honestly, this didn't do much for me, but that's probably because I'm not into all that not "normal" poetry. I'm a sucker for romance though, so that part impressed me

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

12 posted 2002-09-03 08:47 AM

I absolutely love the thoughts expressed in here.  Very creative choice of topic... the tone is well thought-through, your deep-seated fascination with the person glows...

As Jaime said, this is an atypical love poem.  You write from such a distant view of the person that it seems almost voyeuristic.

Primarily, I enjoyed how the poem was based on "want."  Examining the images, I'd almost say this poem is somewhat dark.  "For a thousand life times" is a bit intimidating.  Excellent work.

Definitely keep posting.

Parasite

(edit)  Forgot to mention that your title is especially clever.

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (09-03-2002 08:48 AM).]

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

13 posted 2002-09-03 08:50 PM

Wow this piece was amazing. It was strong and very well written. Amazing job yet again and i loved it!

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby

aVriL lAvIgNe

xEmperorEmber
Member

since 2000-03-28

Posts 136
tx

14 posted 2002-09-03 10:17 PM

Thank you every one for your replies.

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