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| Teen Poetry #5 |
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PoeticGoddessOfDepression Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439I am everywhere |
Why do i crumble at his words? "are you there?" a tear streams... I'm breaking down, but why? "are you there?" it's never gotten this bad... Why does my heart scream out at me? "sara?" I know that he doesn't feel... "talk to me." I never did answer him that night --You selfish jerk... never again will you get away with using me.-- "Paint your perfect day, I don't mind this. I'm better off by the way - Deeply grounded... You will get yours yours." -Bush (*cold contagious*) [This message has been edited by punkrockerrobin (08-24-2002 04:19 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Sara Nicole - All Rights Reserved | |||
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I'm am very impressed with your style in writing Actually, I'm out for words right now and I'd love to learn this style You have written a common/basic subject and expressed it in a wonderful and different way *standing ovation* là où est mon amour? |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
I really liked the interesting format that you used with this piece. I could also really relate to the topic, as I unfortunately know what it feels like to be used. Just remember that you deserve much better. Great post!!  Always, Nikki *~Fighting for your love~* |
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PoeticGoddessOfDepression Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439I am everywhere |
Thanks to the two of you.. But my style is something you cannot learn... but if you knew how to develop it ... you wouldn't want it bad enough. And nickki... I love your quote! thanks again. -Sara- "Paint your perfect day, I don't mind this. I'm better off by the way - Deeply grounded... You will get yours yours." |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
i edited this because you had a word that is not allowed you either like me for who i am or you don't like me at all |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
what word was that? là où est mon amour? |
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paper doll Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 133Floating on Uncertainty |
This I really did not like. It was lacking pretty much everything I look for in a good piece. Normally freestyle writing is a brilliant way of bringing out true emotions but you've skirted around the issue here. Your last cuplet really doesn't do much for it either. You want your beginnings and endings to connect and be strong. This is lacking strength. Maybe a revision would help? ~M Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality. |
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PoeticGoddessOfDepression Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439I am everywhere |
Paper Doll.... Well, ... this is how most of my poetry is. I'm not sorry about it, though. Anyway, I usually don't change my poetry ... it's the way I felt at a certain time, and I want to remember it. Maybe everyone here at passions has been lying to me? And maybe the reason it's lacking strength is because I'm so incredibly weak? (which I am) Plus I write abstractly, so most of my pieces don't make sense to lots of people, and one reason is ... no one understands where I'm coming from. Well, thanks for your truthful reply... I'll try to remember what you've said. But I can't promise you anything. ~raven~ "Paint your perfect day, I don't mind this. I'm better off by the way - Deeply grounded... You will get yours yours." |
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