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Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

0 posted 2002-08-17 09:24 PM

Bruised and broken,
nowhere to go.
Avoided the world-
tried to numb the pain.

He hurt me so deep,
everyday seemed to blur.
Repetitive beginnings-
with no end.

All I wanted was to leave,
escape the tremors-
in my heart.
...to be alone.

I told you to go,
neither of us needed this.
You stubborn fool,
you never did listen.

Everyday you pulled me in-
opposite ends of a magnet,
brought closer
together.

Look at us now?
Every word you said; a lie.
Old wounds resurface,
as dried eyes do cry.

I never wanted to hate you,
I never wanted to lose.
But now I can never believe you,
and starting over is so hard.

[This message has been edited by Jenn Cirrincione (08-17-2002 09:26 PM).]

Riley_Grant
New Member

since 2002-07-16

Posts 4

1 posted 2002-08-17 09:27 PM

This flowed really good but on that one part about the magnets, I got a little tripped up and thought it might read better as brought us closer instead of brought closer. And the little rhyme at the end I stumbled over but it might just be me. Ok just my suggestions!

~*Riley*~

Tiger
Junior Member

since 2002-08-18

Posts 24
Queensland, Australia

2 posted 2002-08-18 05:32 AM

Interesting. I really liked the bit about the magnets. Great discription... I look forward in reading more of your work

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

3 posted 2002-08-19 01:01 AM

Oh Jenn *hugs*

is this real? I mean, did this really happen? *hugs again* Powerful write, hun.

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

4 posted 2002-08-19 09:13 AM

I also liked the bit about the magnets. This poem holds a lot of truth. Great write!

I've never seen you on the streets of this town, I've never seen you just hanging around, But you still tell me that you know me... ~Justin Sane

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

5 posted 2002-08-19 01:41 PM

Isn't it weird how there are generally so many more poems about negative situations then there are about positive ones? Anyways, I liked this poem alot. I expected it to rhyme because of the form, but I found that it flowed perfectly well without any rhyme. A note to end on: guys suck. Good luck getting through such a situation.

Always,
Nikki

     *~Fighting for your love~*
    *~Is something I cannot do~*
   *~I'm not good enough to win~*
*~And I'm not strong enough to lose~*

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