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Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2002-08-17 02:55 PM

looking back at a smile
or a lonely tear
i realize time less spent
pondering over you

it has had its affect
over and over again
lastly a blink changed
i am scared another moment

emotions swirling torment
scrambled like summer eggs
my eyes tell everything
usually spotlessly clean

yet i cry in a dark corner
huddled solely alone
crisco shortening thickly sour
as sure as my love has spread

feelings shift settling again
scared life rushes at my throat
i jump at name the smile again
knowing what has gone before

again and again it shall come
sour cream turned surely sweet
shall you never watch my smile
scrap and dance at my eyes

longing doubts flood my mind
for the first in several moments
single shots plaster my soul
covered up tried to hide

calming waters seem to help
yet nothing wants to show
always the name lingering
hench forth on softer lips

To the world you maybe a person, but to a person you maybe the world

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

1 posted 2002-08-18 10:29 PM

I had to read this twice, to really even get a glimpse of understanding... I don't know if it was your intent on making it slightly confusing? I like it, because it's different, but it was a little confusing

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

2 posted 2002-08-19 07:51 AM

My state of mind upon writing this piece was confused. I didn't know what I was doing, I just wrote. I guess I was just venting but this is what came and in my head it makes sense because there is a problem hidden beneath was is written. A problem that I have and cannot resolve.

To the world you maybe a person, but to a person you maybe the world

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

3 posted 2002-08-19 02:14 PM

I definitely liked this alot. Even though it was somewhat confusing to follow, I can tell that there is something deeper within the piece and I keep on rereading it to try and find it. I really liked the metaphors that you used with food, like the eggs and the crisco. You have a really unique style of poetry and I enjoy reading what you write.

Always,
Nikki

     *~Fighting for your love~*
    *~Is something I cannot do~*
   *~I'm not good enough to win~*
*~And I'm not strong enough to lose~*

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