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Squirmy
New Member

since 2002-06-26

Posts 5

0 posted 2002-08-17 05:04 AM

It isn’t what you think your feel,
It isn’t even what you think you know.
You cant make it go away, you can’t flush it like a pill.
It surrounds us all, it traps us high and low.

It’s everywhere you think its not.
It’s everywhere you think it is.
Don’t try and avoid it
Let it run wild within

Let your inner emotions flow
Like water through the sea.
Act the way you like
Be the way you want to be.

The fear surrounds us all,
But it does not control us.
It’s a figment of your imagination
It’s everything you thought you used to hate.

Don’t try and let it free,
If you don’t you’ll soon see
You can control the things you fear
Before they control the way you feel.

It’s more true than truth its self
That It’s time now for you to know,
Throw all your fears away
You no longer have to be afraid.

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

1 posted 2002-08-17 05:19 AM

It isn’t what you think your feel, typo mr matt lol =)
It isn’t even what you think you know.
You cant make it go away, you can’t flush it like a pill.
It surrounds us all, it traps us high and low. ? i don't really understand what you mean by that, try to broaden it maybe?

It’s everywhere you think its not.
It’s everywhere you think it is.
Don’t try and avoid it
Let it run wild within

Let your inner emotions flow
Like water through the sea.
Act the way you like
Be the person you want to be. just a suggestion to make the line flow better in my opinion.

The fear surrounds us all,
But it does not control us.
It’s a figment of your imagination
It’s everything you thought you used to hate.

Don’t try and let it free,
If you don’t you’ll soon see
You can control the things you fear
anymore than you can control the way it makesyou feel. just another suggestion for the line

It’s more true than truth its self
That It’s time now for you to know,
Throw all your fears away
You no longer have to be afraid.

very pretty mr matt, i just added where i thought you needed a little help...i'm not very good at critiqueing, but i tried for you. =)
-bergundy-

ok i really funked up the fourth stanza but oh well lol

"crack my head open, on your kitchen floor. to prove to you, that i have brains." -Alkaline Trio
[This message has been edited by fearing-laughter (08-17-2002 05:21 AM).]

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

2 posted 2002-08-19 11:13 PM

This was a pretty good piece written about a tough subject. sO all in all i think you did pretty well. I thought a couple of the last lines could be shortened to match the rest of the poems flowing though. I especially liked this stanza:

quote:
Let your inner emotions flow
Like water through the sea.
Act the way you like
Be the way you want to be.

Keep writtin and posting!
tiff

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

"Words are windows to the heart."

Kevin

Senior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

3 posted 2002-08-20 09:34 AM

Ditto to everything FL said lol

nice critique

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