walk away (400th post, yay!)

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fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

0 posted 2002-08-15 03:29 AM

everytime i try to reach you,
you turn and walk away.
brushing off my concern,
with your patented shrug of scorn.
ignoring everything,
but your own pain.
even when i try to comfort you,
in my own naive little way.

once i told you that i love you,
but it didn't seem to matter much.
you just walked away and hid,
in your bitter tasting cacoon of cynicism.
it almost seemed as though you were afraid of me,
i guess i cared far too much.

so tell me this...
do your hate and anger,
keep you warm at night?
and does your jaded view on everything,
make you any less lonely in the day?

yet still, you stubbornly insist,
on pushing me away.
thanks to your ridiculous rules of age,
three years will forever seperate us,
a gap you're not willing to cross,
even when i build a sturdy bridge,
that doesn't swing from side-to-side.
you just smirk, and cut the ropes,
before you walk away.

-BergundY-

maybe i'll catch fire, something nice to warm me. something pure to burn away the darkness, that hides inside my mind. -alkaline trio-

[This message has been edited by fearing-laughter (08-16-2002 10:24 PM).]

Nazera29
Junior Member

since 2002-08-14

Posts 34
Connecticut

1 posted 2002-08-15 03:33 AM

i really like this poem, i think it has alot of solidity, and it paints the reader a vivid picture. Congrats on your 400th post, I'm only at 2! Thanks for the great read!

*We are the hero in our own story*

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

2 posted 2002-08-15 03:36 AM

hey,
yay! it was weird to edit and come back to a response, but quite cool also. i'm glad you liked it. *Smiles* i guess i haven't posted four hundred original pieces of poetry, but i have done a few. oh well, i'm still amused at the four hundred thinger. yay! once again, thanks for your reply, it means a lot.
-bergundy-

maybe i'll catch fire, something nice to warm me. something pure to burn away the darkness, that hides inside my mind. -alkaline trio-

anya
Member

since 2002-07-27

Posts 393
London, UK

3 posted 2002-08-15 03:47 AM

well done on your 400 posts but anyway back to the poem, I liked the line 'patented shrug of scorn, I liked that idea alot. Enjoyed the whole poem actually, well done
anya

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

4 posted 2002-08-15 04:54 AM

i hate when guys are like that me and my bf don't the age gap get to us *AHEM*6years*AHEM* but it does sometimes comeup when we least expect it. great poem.
robin

you either like me for who i am or you don't like me at all

anawnda
Member

since 2002-07-26

Posts 113

5 posted 2002-08-15 06:28 AM

definitely a great poem =)

* you can hurt me...with your bare hands,or
you can hurt me with the sharp edge of what you said.....* jewel kilcher

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

6 posted 2002-08-16 04:34 AM

thanks

.bergundy.

"crack my head open, on your kitchen floor. to prove to you, that i have brains." -Alkaline Trio

paper doll
Member

since 2002-08-04

Posts 133
Floating on Uncertainty

7 posted 2002-08-16 05:42 AM

Congrats on the 400 posts! That's quite an achievement.

You've painted an interesting scene here and managed to personify it well by actually using this Mark's name. It's full of bitterness which is what I always love to read.

Well done on this and congratulations once again.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

8 posted 2002-08-16 11:53 AM

Happy 400th.

Age bites, doens't it? Well...you've done a great job of portraying your feelings. I feel like I'm getting a closer look, almost too close, at you and the situation. I have one suggestion...don't put his name in there. I know from a 'personal' standpoint it's very important, but as a reader I don't want someone telling me who you're talking to.. It takes away from the relatability (Did I just make up a word?). Anyways. Great job, and congrats.

~Carly

"Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions."
~David Borenstein

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

9 posted 2002-08-16 03:44 PM

Congrats on the 400th

I liked the message behind this. It's something I grow through everyday with my Sister. The last stanza of the poem I thought was the real gut-puncher of this. I alawys like those strong endings. oo And you had some great one-liners that I just -loved-
such as:

quote:
with your patented shrug of scorn.

and

quote:
in your bitter tasting cacoon of cynicism.

tiff

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

"Words are windows to the heart."

[This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (08-16-2002 03:45 PM).]

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

10 posted 2002-08-16 10:29 PM

hey everyone,
once again, thanks for all of your opinions. i wanted people to be able to relate to this because i'm sure everyone usually has someone like this in their life...so i took his name out. thanks for all of your kind encouragement and help, i'm glad it's what PIP's all about.
-bergundy-

"crack my head open, on your kitchen floor. to prove to you, that i have brains." -Alkaline Trio

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

11 posted 2002-08-17 12:46 PM

Congrats on 400!
"in my own naive little way." You are NOT naive, and even if you are, that isn't a bad thing, okay?

"once i told you that i love you,
but it didn't seem to matter much.
you just walked away and hid,
in your bitter tasting cacoon of cynicism.
it almost seemed as though you were afraid of me,
i guess i cared far too much."

Oh how I know this one... I like the "bitter tasting cacoon of cynicism". I dont' think I've ever read that line before

Ten points for originality!

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