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StellarChica
Member

since 2002-07-06

Posts 207
floating down a river...

0 posted 2002-08-12 07:02 PM

I've got my blue mechanincal pencil,
Your address is written in my little red notebook,
Three sheets of paper,
Every one of them,
Blank.
Is a PO box supposed to have that many numbers?
Maybe you don't really want my letter,
You faked an address so I wouldn't feel bad,
No.
I know you too well,
You would never do something like that to me,
Searching my mind for the right words,
And since I've no original ideas,
I'll say just one small thing,
A simple line from that song you said was a favorite of yours:
Will you be my valentine if I'm a world away?

Thanks for reading.

*~erin~*

"You say the present's just a pleasant interruption to the past."-Something Corporate

*~p.r.i.n.c.e.s.s.~*
Junior Member

since 2002-07-25

Posts 38

1 posted 2002-08-12 07:33 PM

I only usually like poems if they rhyme. But lately I have been reading different types because of the writers on this site. I like it better, I don't know why, I just do. I can't really *write* it, but I like to read it. LOL. Well, I liked this and maybe you'll let the person you wrote it for see it?

Love:
~*~Brittney~*~

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

2 posted 2002-08-12 10:04 PM

Normally I don't really like free verse (this was free verse, right? LoL) but this one is good. I like the way that you took an adress and turned it into a poem

paper doll
Member

since 2002-08-04

Posts 133
Floating on Uncertainty

3 posted 2002-08-13 05:01 AM

This is nice. The ending worked well however there was a part in the piece where you broke away and it didn't really suit the rest of the piece. It seemed like you completely jumped into another sort of feeling (wrong word but I can't think of any at the moment) and neglected the actual one that the piece is centrally located around.
Other than that I loved the concept. Well done.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

anya
Member

since 2002-07-27

Posts 393
London, UK

4 posted 2002-08-13 05:19 AM

loved this one, a clever concept for a poem and pulled off well
anya

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

5 posted 2002-08-13 09:15 AM

I really loved the ending to this, it's a wonderful poem and I've been there before. Umm, great write.

I've never seen you on the streets of this town, I've never seen you just hanging around, But you still tell me that you know me... ~Justin Sane

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